Useless Crap They Sell in Airplane Catalogs
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 22-07-2010
Tags: funny article, funny essays, funny observations, Humor Articles, humorous article, humorous articles, humorous essays, really funny articles, really funny essays
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I had a great urge to write about useless crap again. I made a recent post about useless crap to think about and while I was then thinking about useless crap when I was on a plane I came across a whole catalog of useless crap, a veritable useless crap book, one might call it, so that is the subject of today’s article.
The catalog folks apparently take pet owners for true suckers of the universe because there are a plethora of pet products in the catalog that truly do fall under the category of useless crap. In fact, that name might even be a compliment for some of these products.
The first one is a ceramic pet water fountain. Apparently just your regular water dish is no longer good enough for a dog or cat. According to this catalog it is important to shell out $80 for this ceramic piece of… you guessed it – useless crap, that essentially attempts to take your pet away from his favorite watering hole, the toilet. No dog worth his salt will drink out of a sissy water fountain if there is a toilet nearby. And the funny thing is, or sad depending how you look at it, the toilet doesn’t even need to be flushed for the dog to enjoy it. And cats are no different no matter how dignified and snobby they give you the impression they are. If they can reach the water in the toilet they are drinking from it.
It is amazing what they can come up with for sales copy for this product. “The falling stream of water attracts the pet with the sound of the trickling water, enticing them to drink even more water.” To me that sounds like a recipe for your dog to pee on your carpet.
Next, we have a plastic step stool for smaller dogs or puppies to be able to climb onto your couch, making it easy for your dog to chew up your pillows, scratch holes in the cushions and pee on the couch. I thought pet owners were looking for ways to keep the pets off the couch. This is comparable to making new suggestions to Congress on how they can piss off the public even more than they already do.
As we move on, a mere $200 will get you a motorized replica of R2-D2 from Star Wars fame. As the sales copy states, “it’s sad sounds mimic the original right on down to its occasional bad mood.” Just what you are looking when you come home from a day of work, especially when your wife and daughter are already simultaneously experiencing PMS.
Lastly, for today, we have video recording sunglasses. Again, a paltry $200 gets you these sunglasses that allow you to discreetly video tape all that you see. That is something that will come in handy if you are a spy, which naturally, many people traveling on planes are these days, or if you are walking on a nude beach where taping with a regular recorder may be frowned upon. Otherwise, not so useful.
That only touches the surface of the useless crap found in the catalog I was looking at. But if reading about any of these products makes you want to run out and buy a plane ticket to anywhere so you can get a catalog I want a commission.
Useless Crap They Sell in Airplane Catalogs | darnfunnyonline.com…
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