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Jokes from the News – 04/27/10

Here are some jokes that came from reading the news this week: Goldman Sachs insists they did not mislead investors,  A spokesman was quoted as saying, “Fraud-shmaud, we prefer to call it artistic license in the field of accounting.” The new one hundred dollar bill was recently unveiled, unfortunately...

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Some Quotes by W.C. Fields

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 15-03-2010

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Here are some quick jokes from the comedian, W.C. Fields:

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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