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Here are some funny quotes from throughout the world of sports: Vic Braden, tennis instructor My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good. Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver, famous...

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Some Quotes by W.C. Fields

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 15-03-2010

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Here are some quick jokes from the comedian, W.C. Fields:

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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