Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 15-03-2010
Here are some quick jokes from the comedian, W.C. Fields:
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.