Featured Post

In Loving Memory of My Wife, Tracy Yeich

I have to take a break from writing a humor article this week.  If you came here expecting a laugh I apologize but please indulge me for one week as my wife passed away yesterday. We had a special marriage, 28 years full of love.  She was my wife, my true love and my very best friend ever.  She was...

Read More


 

Steven Wright Jokes

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 14-10-2009

Tags: , , , ,

4

Here are some jokes from Steven Wright who is the true modern day “king of the one-liners”.
 
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. 

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. 

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. 

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… you can’t hear him talk. 

Hermits have no peer pressure.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it. 

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

darnfunnyonline.com