Some Steve Allen Quotes
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 17-02-2010
Tags: jokes and stuff, really funny jokes, really funny quotes, Steve Allen jokes, Steve Allen quotes
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Here are some quotes from Steve Allen, who was an extremely quick witted comedian and entertainer as well as the founder and original host of the Tonight Show:
Asthma doesn’t seem to bother me any more unless I’m around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.
Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics.
Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.
I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind.
If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow.
If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is – holy war.
In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.
One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.
Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.
The hair is real – it’s the head that’s a fake.
Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized.
