Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 21-06-2012
The never ending saga of women torturing men with shopping played out with me as the victim a few weeks ago when my daughter was visiting me from out of town. She innocently asked me if I would take her to pick up a few things and I was stupid enough to buy that. The rest of the buying was done by her and, you guessed it, I got to pay for it.
It’s really hard to understand the reason why shopping for men can be physically painful but it is. I’m talking about the kind of pain that feels like a red hot probe inside your brain frantically searching for something that is not there, kind of pain. I would definitely prefer hard physical labor while pins and needles were poked into my muscles, to a day of shopping with a woman. It’s a similar type of pain anyway, and with my example there is a chance you could escape.
I think the scientific reason for men not liking to shop with a woman. It is simply that WE HATE THAT.
I can give you more of an explanation, actually. I’ve researched this thoroughly and this is what I made up…er, what I discovered to be the truth.
The basic incident that started all the problems goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. Eve went to Adam and said we need to shop for some apples. Adam wisely wanted to stay home that day and watch sports on TV but Eve wouldn’t hear of it. She cajoled him into going apple shopping in spite of the fact that Adam argued that apples were the forbidden fruit. That was his first mistake, telling her that it was something she couldn’t shop for. It was all downhill from there.
Eve had to find the perfect apple. She couldn’t just find an apple and be done with it. She had to SHOP. First she looked at the Jonathan Apples, then the Golden Delicious and the Red Delicious, next the Gala, then the McIntosh and finally the Granny Smith. All the while she was comparing theses apples one against the other as Adam sat off at a distance with a blank look and intermittently rubbing his forehead.
Every time Eve asked Adam his opinion of which apple would be the best she would contradict his opinion and say, “Hmm, no I like the other one better.” Adam was starting to go more than a little crazy when Eve had finally decided on the Red Delicious, not because it tasted the best but because it was the shiniest and prettiest. Adam at least thought they could finally get the hell out of there when Eve decided she wanted to try on some of the leaved branches of the apple trees to cover up her private parts. That’s when Adam finally lost. This is when the first swear words were invented too, by the way.
Adam yelled to God, “God, damn her.” Well, this pretty much pissed off God because this was his kingdom and he didn’t like being told what to do. So he reversed things on Adam and he damned all men by making it a natural law of the universe that they would hate shopping forevermore and women would make their men go shopping with them despite that.
It’s been that way ever since. There’s the history behind it but I think there is even a more underlying reason men don’t like to go shopping with women and that is just that WE HATE THAT.