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I am getting back into stock trading after a three and a half year hiatus for various reasons.  In studying the terminology I have to admit I am getting very excited.  Oh yeah, for the excitement of trading, too, but I was talking about the terms making me horny.

Let me give you an example.  The wider the spread the deeper the penetration you are likely to get with the movement going up and down…What??  Okay, confession time, while those are all legitimate words and phrases used in trading, the way I worded them really doesn’t make much sense as far as trading goes, (maybe a little if you use your imagination, and I did!) but they sure do make sense in sex!…Hey, don’t judge me!  I don’t have a girlfriend and talking about sex is as close I can get to getting it.

I have previously written an article about the “Similarities Between Basketball and Sex” and another entitled “Baseball and Sex are Very Similar.” Now I’m writing this one and since football season is almost here I was planning on showing how football and sex are intertwined…Really, I’m not obsessed.  (But, man, I gotta get a girlfriend!)

Seriously, though, here are some more examples that show the relationship between stock trading and sex or relationships, men and women, etc. :

Going short or long in trading has its own meaning.  In sex it has a meaning too, for the man and with obvious ramifications for the woman as well.  When you are short a stock you get out whenever it best suits your purposes.  When you are short in sex sometimes it would be hard to tell if you even got in.

In trading, a day order is an order that is good to be filled anytime within that day.  A day order in a relationship is whatever the wife tells the husband to do whenever she sees him relaxing and enjoying himself.

In reading a stock graph a strong indicator that a move is about to occur is a double bottom.  In sex, think of a big butt or as it was referred to in the rap song, Baby got Back, a “juicy double.”

A double top is also an indicator of a strong move about to take place.  In sex, think of someone like Dolly Parton.

Another stock term is filling the gap.  In sex, that is not always possible if you are dealing with someone who is short.  (Refer to previous paragraph on long and short.)

Getting filled….Ditto on the above paragraph.

Market depth…Again, it has to do with if you are short or long.

Another stock term, overbought…In sex, it means he paid more than he had to for the jewelry he bought to get her in the mood.

And finally, in stocks, a shallow market…In sex, it would refer to me being shallow for writing this article.

Whew!  I don’t know about you, I’m not even a smoker, but after writing this I feel like a need a cigarette.

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(I wrote this about 2 years ago and since we are at the start of a new baseball season it is a good time to repost it.)

Since we are into the baseball playoff season, and sexually I like to refer to myself as a fall classic (I can dream, can’t I?) I thought it would be apropos to point out the similarities between baseball and sex as one ages:

A good young shortstop can go deep in the hole to make a great play that everyone enjoys.  An aging shortstop might still be able to go deep in the hole but he can’t always pull off the great play anymore.

When you are young and versatile you are able to play every position there is.

As you get older you don’t move as well as you used to so you only want to play one position or sometimes two.  Playing every position is too hard but you still get a lot of enjoyment at those one or two positions because you are still in the game.

As a pitcher you can still go the distance when you need to but it’s okay to come on in relief and just make a short appearance.  After all, your fastball still has a lot of movement on it.

As a hitter you can still swing the bat pretty well and you can still hit the long ball.

Sometimes it’s okay to only get to first or second base.  You don’t need to hit a home run every time you get to the plate.

The fans still love to see you play…oops! Wait a minute, I was thinking of an aging stripper.

…And one of the best comparisons of all is that it is a game that can be enjoyed at any age.

(For women the game would be soft ball and I don’t even want to go there.)

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