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Here are some funny observations after keeping an eye on current events over the last week: After President Obama wowed the crowd at the Apollo Theater last week with his singing voice the producers of American Idol invited him to sing on their show next year.  The timing couldn’t be better because...

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Some Rita Rudner Quotes

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 14-12-2009

Tags: , , , ,

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Here are some very funny one-liners from Rita Rudner:

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.

Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

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