Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Gracie Allen

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.
Gracie Allen

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it’s all checks and no balances.
Gracie Allen

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she’d just make enough for 16 and only serve half.
Gracie Allen

I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say.
Richard Lewis

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
Richard Lewis

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.
Richard Lewis

My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once.
Richard Lewis

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
Richard Lewis

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