Featured Post

Funny Useless Crap to Ponder Throughout the Day

Here are some funny, albeit meaningless, ideas to ponder throughout the day when you have extra time, like while standing in a line, sitting on the toilet, etc. Lindsay Lohan had an obscenity manicured onto the nail of her middle finger while appearing at her recent court date.  It makes you wonder...

Read More


 

Some Funny One-liners

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 10-03-2010

Tags: , , , ,

3

Here are some funny one-liner jokes that someone sent to me.  The jokes are anonymous, that is , no author as they have probably been used by many comedians and others, but they are funny.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

darnfunnyonline.com

Continue reading...

Some Quotes from P.J. O’Rourke

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 22-02-2010

Tags: , , , ,

0

Here are some  funny quotes from the humorist P. J. O’Rourke:

America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.

darnfunnyonline.com

Continue reading...