Already the presidential candidates are lining up for the 2012 election.    On the plus side, this leaves us no doubt that comedians and comedy writers of all shapes and sizes and jokesters on the street will have plenty of fodder for the next year and a half.  The down side is that in each election year the BS tops the previous election and it’s getting hard to find boots big enough to walk through it all.

Some true fun is developing though on the Republican side.  Donald Trump look likes he’s going to run and frankly I’m a little giddy about that.  I can’t imagine we’d ever run out of hair jokes.  We probably would but it would be great while it lasts.  If he was president and Congress thought they had grounds for impeachment they could just shortcut the process and tell him, “You’re fired!” Trump may just be the sleeper in the election because he has shown his qualifications by having formerly run several casinos into bankruptcy, so he would certainly know how to run a country that’s already there.

It’s certainly no secret Sarah Palin is going to run, even if she hasn’t officially announced it yet.  She’s been about a subtle as John Edwards and his love affair with his hair brush.

Apparently, Obama is ready to file for re-election in the next few weeks.  Finally, he’ll be able to get back to what he is good at; making promises he can’t keep.  Elections bring back great memories for him.  Just the other day he was reminiscing about his first teleprompter, which he bought when he was in elementary school when he ran for president of the Foreign Soil Born Club.  He beat out a couple of Mexican kids who were illegal aliens by lying about all the things he could do for the school and he’s been trying to make it up to them ever since.

With the promised hope and change, the economy, Obamacare, the stimulus, the bailouts and Libya to name six right off the top of my head, you could say Obama has some issues.  It almost makes you envious of his dog, Bo, who has a much better chance than the rest of us of slipping into the Oval office and lifting his leg to the administration.

I’m not saying I don’t like Obama but I have to admit if his presidency had a fan page on Facebook I would not be likely to click “like” on it. Part of the reason for that is that I think he has poked the American people way too many times to get the benefit of the doubt.  And I’m definitely not referring to poking in the Facebook sense.

Everybody is interested to see if Hillary is going to run again, except for Bill.  He figures if there is going to be a female president he at least wants to be able to hit on her.

Joe Biden is not likely to ever run for President again, heck , he’s just hoping Obama doesn’t dump him in 2012.  The American public knows him too well by now.  But four years with him as president would be a comedy writer’s dream come true, at the same time as he would be the public’s nightmare.

There are many lesser known candidates that are already showing their heads.  It should be a very interesting year and a half until the election, at least we’ll get to laugh at it.

The public confidence in Congress is at an all time low, even lower than that of the president’s, although he is gaining fast, and to be fair he has only been in office a little over a year. You can’t blame anyone who lacks confidence though, what with nearly every headline you read or hear regarding politicians is about corruption, infidelity, graft and general lack of ethics (a.k.a.  “another day in Congress”.)  It is little wonder that the Tea Party is gaining popularity so fast.  Of course, our members of Congress could get right on board with that if we’d just be willing to change it from tea to a rum and coke party and maybe add a few hookers into the mix (and add a room on the side with free botox injections for Nancy Pelosi.)  It would be one of the few bipartisan ideas that every one of them could support.

The “Nigerian businessman” who just sent you an e-mail asking for your bank information is only a guy in training to become a politician.  Tiger Woods would have made an exceptional politician except that he got caught way too early in his career.  You have to be able to hide these things better than that.  You need to at least get elected first.  Then it is more acceptable because it is totally expected.

There was going to be a new reality show called “Dancing with the Politicians” but it never got on the air.  Because of all the slime it made the floors too slippery and no one could dance.  Plus, could you imagine someone wanting to dance with Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi?

Another new political reality show being tossed around is entitled “Deal or No Deal on Healthcare”.  They are planning to borrow their advertising slogan from the movie “The Sixth Sense” so when their commercial comes on a kid will come out and say, “I see dead people.”   That should define the show quite well.

There is one more political reality show in the works but this one is strictly for democrats.  Really, the last one was too but they’ll at least pretend to let the republicans play.  This show is called “What Would Ted Kennedy Do?”  The guy who loses has to drive his car off a bridge into a river with a pregnant woman with him.  If he survives he’ll be forced to serve in the Senate for the rest of his life and he’ll be known as “The Liar of the Senate”.  No wait… maybe that was “Lion”… not really sure on that, I’ll have to get back to you.

And last of all, there is going to be a news show just about Congress.  It will be called “The Stimulus Report”.  It will be an expose’ on which congressmen are taking Viagra bribes from the drug companies to let them continue to legally push drugs on the American people.

On that note I am all for throwing a party for Congress at election time….as long as it is the Tea Party.

darnfunnyonline.com

“President Obama is getting ready to pardon the White House turkey, the Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner.” –Jay Leno

“The White House and the Senate Democrats are working on a new jobs bill. The White House said this new jobs bill could create twice as many non-existent fake jobs as the last one.” –Jay Leno

“Now, three weeks ago, [the Administration] said the $787 billion stimulus-thing created one million new jobs. Then, last week, they said it was really only 640,000 jobs. Now, they’re saying they really don’t know. You know how to create a new job? Fire the guy in charge of counting.” –Jay Leno

“There’s a lot of controversy over this section of this new health care bill that says if you don’t buy health insurance, you can go to jail for five years. They say it’ll prevent freeloaders of the system. Yeah, but — well, if they do go to jail, won’t they get free health care for five years?” –Jay Leno

“Legal experts are worried about having [Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's] trial here in New York City with this guy because they think he’ll use the trial as a soapbox. Use the trial as a soapbox. Have you seen the guy, there he is. If he does, it will be the closest this guy has been to soap in years.” –David Letterman

“In a long-standing Thanksgiving tradition, President Obama is scheduled to pardon the White House turkey this coming Wednesday. ‘Hey, that’s great,’ said Joe Biden. ‘I didn’t even know I did anything wrong.’” –Seth Meyers

“Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro, reportedly a huge fan of President Obama. He thinks President Obama’s doing a great job. Well, Obama hasn’t had PR that good since the Reverend Wright was campaigning for him.” –Jay Leno

“The George W. Bush library design was unveiled this week by former First Lady Laura Bush. Did you know that she was a librarian when she first met George? Did you know that? In fact, she’s the only thing he ever checked out of a library.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton tells Vogue magazine that she naps on command, like that. Yeah, especially when Bill asks if she’s in the mood” –Jay Leno

“On Friday, President Obama pardons the White House turkey. Mmm-boy. Dick Cheney didn’t miss an opportunity. He proves that Obama is soft on poultry.” –David Letterman

darnfunnyonline.com