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Here are some more jokes about President Obama from the late night comedians spanning his year and a half in office.  He seems to be an endless source of comedy (and sorrow, depending on how you look at it.)

“Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State.” –Jay Leno

“Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers’ money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes.” –Conan O’Brien

“And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, ‘Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.’” –Jay Leno

“President-elect Barack Obama had his first day in Washington. Obama said he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago for Washington D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Governor Blagojevich sold his house.” –Jay Leno

“Shocking news out of Illinois today. Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on corruption charges, including the allegation that he was selling Barack Obama’s vacant senate seat. Now, I personally am surprised Obama even needed a seat. I thought he just levitated.” –Stephen Colbert

“Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was ‘going to get worse before it gets better.’ See, that’s when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? ‘The audacity of hope!’ ‘Yes, we can!’ ‘A change we can believe in!’ Now it’s, ‘We’re all screwed.’” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama plans to issue an executive order on his first full day in office, directing the closing of Guantanamo Bay. He said he needs the money for new prisons to hold Democratic mayors and governors.” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he’s got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.” –David Letterman

“People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt.” –David Letterman

“Obama is getting his mojo back. Apparently, he’s going to get this financial package. That’s right, the financial package is going through. He got healthcare. He got that nuclear weapons treaty… He’s on a roll and he’s taunting his critics. His new slogan is, ‘Change You Can Suck On.’” —Bill Maher

“A year into Obama’s first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, “Well, technically that is change.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it’ll be cleaned up by future generations.” –Jay Leno

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Here are some of the best jokes about President Obama over the last year and a half.  The comedians include Jimmy Fallon, Jay Leno, Bill Maher, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson.

“A year into Obama’s first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, “Well, technically that is change.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Police in Texas arrested a man who was using the alias ‘Barack Obama’ while trying to steal money from 35 ATMs. They could tell something was up when a guy named Barack Obama was trying to take money from banks instead of giving it to them.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Obama is getting his mojo back. Apparently, he’s going to get this financial package. That’s right, the financial package is going through. He got healthcare. He got that nuclear weapons treaty… He’s on a roll and he’s taunting his critics. His new slogan is, ‘Change You Can Suck On.’” —Bill Maher

“Today, by the way, is our president, President Obama’s, one-year anniversary in office. I looked it up. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“That’s pretty amazing, Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley — all dependents.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it’ll be cleaned up by future generations.” –Jay Leno

“As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role in the auto business. President Obama offering hope, change, and 0 percent financing.” –Jay Leno

“It’s a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That’s quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million.” –Craig Ferguson

“Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers’ money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.” –Jay Leno

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Here are some observations based on the happenings from this past week.

The CEO of BP has vowed to make reparations to people effected by the oil spill and to take full responsibility for any ecological damage it may have caused.  Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson is still diligently looking for the killers of his ex-wife.

Obama is planning to visit the gulf oil spill again this week.  He thinks it’s a good opportunity to show he can actually walk on water.

Since BP is a British company it’s a safe bet that the oil spill wasn’t caused by negligence of the workers being off doing extra  brushing or flossing of their teeth.

Rod Blagojevich’s lawyer says the former governor of Illinois “ain’t corrupt.”  So, apparently, the lawyers and politicians in Illinois are not just criminal but they also don’t speak the language that well either.

Blagojevich plans to land on his feet no matter what happens during his trial so he plans to start a new reality show called Bad Haircuts of the Stars.  He and Donald Trump will be the first contestants.

The slogan many of the incumbent congressmen plan to use in the November election is, “They’ll probably suck worse than I do.”

Greece is playing in the World Cup but they are not being too successful because they can’t afford transportation for all the players for each game.

Maybe Obama is being very critical of BP’s CEO because he wants his job after he is voted out in 2012.  After all, when you run a public company you are spending other people’s money and who is better at that than Obama.

If anyone ever accused Obama of being stingy with the taxpayer’s money it would be like accusing George Bush of over thinking a situation.

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Here are some jokes about Obama, Obamacare, etc.  They have anonymous  authors and a lot of them have been passed around a lot but they are funny if you appreciate Obama humor.

If John McCain was a Maverick, then Barack Obama is a GMC* Pacer. (*Government Motor Company)

Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought ‘em.

Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. You took my  favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen.

The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.

Obama is looking forward to retirement, so that he’ll finally have the time to actually read his new healthcare law.

Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.

Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare instead of ObamaCares?

A. Because he doesn’t.

ObamaCare will provide taxpayers with plenty of bitter pills.

Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let’s hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion.

Q. If the Obama administration was a football division, what would the teams be called?

A. The Stealers, the Bills, the Chargers and the Lyings.

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn’t get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn’t leave, so the farmer explained to him, “Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.” Obama angrily replied, “Hey, are you saying that I’m a horse’s ass?” The farmer answered, “No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse’s ass. It’s hard to fool them flies though.”

Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day?
A. It keeps your doctor away.

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Here are some jokes based on news over the last week:

According to the Pentagon Al-Qaeda is in financial ruin.  It’s so bad that when they filed their income tax this year they got money back from an earned income credit.

Al-Qaeda is having such a tough time financially that they layed off all their contracted suicide bombers and now are only hiring temps.

Kate Gosselin has said recently that she regrets things that she has said to Jon…highest on the list I’m sure was, “Okay, let’s get married.”

Lady Gaga has announced recently that she is celibate.  This is likely in honor of April being the official STD Month.

Larry King has filed for divorce from his seventh wife, apparently this was after having cheated on his wife with her younger sister.  Rumor had it that he has been a long time mentor of Tiger Woods and Jesse James.

Obama did his taxes last week and he was very happy when he learned he could claim the banks and car makers as dependents.  When he told Joe Biden, Joe said, “That’s a big f___ing deal.”

And finally…A recent survey says that 35% of men are turned off by women with fake boobs.  The survey does fail to mention that the men were asked this question in the company of their wives.   Another 30% gave no opinion to the question.  With these men their wives were standing close enough that they didn’t want to take a chance.

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Here are some very funny Obama jokes that were sent to me that I thought I would post today:

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree, and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s’ new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean   and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !

Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for Clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

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Once upon a time there was a young boy named Obama.  He lived on a farm and even though he was just a boy he was in charge of the farm.  No one really knew how he got there or why he was in charge but he was, to be sure.  Some say it was due to the magic of the barnyard that got him there and that young Obama learned his trade by shoveling out the barnyard.  But others felt that he was just a natural at shoveling and that it is how he somehow convinced all the people at the farm to let him be in charge (but that is the story of another fairy tale.)

One day young Obama found these magic beans.  A voice from the sky told him that if he planted these beans it would grow jobs for all the people who lived around the great big farm.  He wasn’t sure how this could work but if the voice told him it was true he knew it must be.

So young Obama knew he had to rely greatly on his shoveling skills to plant these beans.  He would also need the help of the 535 farmhands that worked on the farm to plant these beans.  Fortunately, a prerequisite for being a farmhand was to be extra good at shoveling, in many cases that was their only skill.  Young Obama also thought of another farmhand named Joe and maybe Joe could help.  He ran out to find Joe but when he saw him he was just sitting on a pile of hay with a piece of grass between his teeth and staring off into space.  Young Obama thought Joe was daydreaming about how one day he would be in charge and young Obama knew that Joe was not going to be of much help.  As a side note, young Obama heard a noise on the other side of the stack of hay that sounded like grunting.  He went to check it out but it was just the guy who used to run the farm, Bill, with a young woman from town rolling around together.  Young Obama smiled but he knew he had no time to watch this, he had to get these magic beans planted or he wouldn’t be running the farm for very much longer.

Young Obama went to find old Harry.  He was in charge of the farmhands and he was very good at shoveling and getting others to shovel.  The only problem was that there were farmhands that worked only on the left side of the farm and others that worked only on the right side of the farm and they would always argue with each other.  They never wanted to work together.  This was a problem for young Obama.

Young Obama also called upon another of the main farmhands, a lady named Nancy.  She was excellent at shoveling but it seemed that sometimes she shoveled the holes so deeply that they were too difficult to get out of.  Not only that, young Obama had a hard time looking at Nancy because her face seemed plastic and she never was able to smile except through great effort.  This problem of getting the beans planted was getting more and more difficult and time was becoming a factor.  If these beans didn’t get planted soon young Obama’s friends on the left side of the farm were going to be replaced by new farmhands.  (What young Obama didn’t realize was that it would be just a new set of shovelers shoveling the same old stuff, but he was still mighty concerned.)

Suddenly a bright idea came to young Obama.  It didn’t matter how well the beans would grow into jobs if he hired bean counters who used calculators with a held down seven.  In that way no matter what number was punched into the calculator it would always be multiplied by seven and he would look good no matter what.  Problem solved.

So, somehow young Obama got the farmhands to plant the beans but it was done sloppily and without much forethought and the beans grew a little but they were not healthy, robust beans and they didn’t make many jobs as the voice from the sky had promised.  But young Obama always did have a backup plan in case the magic beans failed him.  He could always blame that big bush that was in the middle of the field, saying that it had poisoned his beans.  And so he did.  And young Obama lived happily ever after (at least for the next 3 years.)

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As I have done before, whenever something goes wrong I like to cheer myself up by thinking how it could be worse.  Here are some examples:

It could be worse, you could own a barber shop and on your promo piece you use a picture of Donald Trump.

It could be worse, you could be a nude model vying for a spot in Playboy and find out that you were beaten out by Marge Simpson.

It could be worse, all of your Facebook friends are fans of “The Biggest loser”, not because they want to lose weight but because they like the title.

It could be worse, you could be Bernie Madoff and your new cell mate is a three hundred pound former wrestler who was arrested after going berserk when he found out he lost his entire investment portfolio in your ponzi scheme.

It could be worse, you could be Al Gore pitching global warming at a convention and nobody shows up because of a blizzard.

It could be worse, you could be a member of ACORN and be surrounded by a herd of large, rabid, deranged squirrels.

It could be worse, you could live in a country whose economy was already in the pooper and you could elect a president who prints money like it’s “Monopoly “ money and gives it away to losing companies like… uh-oh, wait a minute, let’s forget that one.

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians:

“Well, the big story out of Washington is this healthcare bill passed the Senate Finance Committee by a vote of 14-9, I believe it was. The Bill cost over $800 billion. And that’s just what lobbyists had to give to members of Congress.” –Jay Leno

“The good news is we’ll probably have some kind of improvement in our healthcare system. The bad news is it won’t be in our lifetime. It will never happen.” –Jay Leno

“And the Fox News White House correspondent, a man named Major Garrett, has the swine flu. President Obama has ordered Fox News quarantined for up to five years, as long as it takes!” –Jay Leno

“And for the first time in a year, the Dow closed above 10,000. You know what that means? More AIG bonuses!” –Jay Leno

“Last night, the White House hosted a tribute to Latin music. President Obama wiggled his hips a little on the dance floor at which point a committee in Sweden immediately awarded him a Latin Grammy.” –Conan O’Brien

“The Nobel committee is saying the reason they gave Obama the peace prize is for reducing tension around the world. So, the runners-up for this year’s Nobel Prize were red wine and the Brookstone three-speed massaging recliner.” –Conan O’Brien

“Hey, did you see what happened today? President Obama won another Nobel prize today, this time in medicine, for pretending to give up smoking.” –Jay Leno

“The Treasury Department said yesterday that the Taliban is much better funded than al Qaeda. Al Qaeda said they would have done better if they had not invested everything with Bernie Madoff.” –Jimmy Fallon

“How awful is this? Police arrested a 30-year-old, Bountiful, Utah, man for fondling the nurse who was helping to deliver his baby. Move over John Edwards. We have a new nominee for husband of the year.” –Jay Leno

“When I call your name, please come up and claim your Nobel Peace Prize, all right?” –David Letterman

“Hey, President Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. How about that? Meanwhile, right now at an Arizona senior citizens center, John McCain is screaming, ‘Bingo!’” –David Letterman

“President Obama says he wants to put an end to the policy, ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ Yeah, in the military. This is not to be confused with George Bush’s policy, ‘Don’t Know, Don’t Care.’ That’s a whole different deal.” –David Letterman

“Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will make an appearance on Donald Trump’s ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ It’s part of Trump’s plan to make his own hair look normal.” –Jimmy Fallon

“That’s pretty amazing, winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize.” –Jay Leno

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