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Here are some more jokes about President Obama from the late night comedians spanning his year and a half in office.  He seems to be an endless source of comedy (and sorrow, depending on how you look at it.)

“Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State.” –Jay Leno

“Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers’ money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes.” –Conan O’Brien

“And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, ‘Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.’” –Jay Leno

“President-elect Barack Obama had his first day in Washington. Obama said he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago for Washington D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Governor Blagojevich sold his house.” –Jay Leno

“Shocking news out of Illinois today. Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on corruption charges, including the allegation that he was selling Barack Obama’s vacant senate seat. Now, I personally am surprised Obama even needed a seat. I thought he just levitated.” –Stephen Colbert

“Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was ‘going to get worse before it gets better.’ See, that’s when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? ‘The audacity of hope!’ ‘Yes, we can!’ ‘A change we can believe in!’ Now it’s, ‘We’re all screwed.’” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama plans to issue an executive order on his first full day in office, directing the closing of Guantanamo Bay. He said he needs the money for new prisons to hold Democratic mayors and governors.” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he’s got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.” –David Letterman

“People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt.” –David Letterman

“Obama is getting his mojo back. Apparently, he’s going to get this financial package. That’s right, the financial package is going through. He got healthcare. He got that nuclear weapons treaty… He’s on a roll and he’s taunting his critics. His new slogan is, ‘Change You Can Suck On.’” —Bill Maher

“A year into Obama’s first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, “Well, technically that is change.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it’ll be cleaned up by future generations.” –Jay Leno

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Here are some funny observations from reading the news last week.  So it isn’t all bad, it just depends on how you look at things.

A 95 year old lady from Alabama got her college degree last week.  It turns out she never intended to go to college.  She was on her way to the Social Security office and she got lost and ended up enrolling  in college when she thought she was signing up for her Social Security  check.

President Obama has sent 1,200 National Guard troops to the Mexican border.  They are there searching for Osama Bin Laden.

Next he’ll be sending airport security to the border to make sure none of the illegal aliens cross the border with nail clippers or toothpaste tubes bigger than 3 oz.

The BP oil leak is officially a disaster now because Joe Biden was heard whispering in Obama’s ear that “this is a big f___ing deal.”

BP executives are very concerned about various species going extinct from the oil spill.  The species they are most concerned about are BP executives.

The Sex and the City sequel opened recently.  They are already planning the next one.  But since the girls are getting a little older now that one will be called Menopause in the City.

Heidi  Montag and Spencer Platt have split up.  She is reportedly drowning her sorrow at the plastic surgery bar.

Seattle residents recently told their mayor they want a nude beach.  Not so they can soak up the sun since it rains there all the time.  It‘s just that the economy is so bad they are afraid they won’t be able to keep a shirt on their backs.

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Here are some jokes about Obama, Obamacare, etc.  They have anonymous  authors and a lot of them have been passed around a lot but they are funny if you appreciate Obama humor.

If John McCain was a Maverick, then Barack Obama is a GMC* Pacer. (*Government Motor Company)

Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought ‘em.

Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. You took my  favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen.

The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.

Obama is looking forward to retirement, so that he’ll finally have the time to actually read his new healthcare law.

Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.

Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare instead of ObamaCares?

A. Because he doesn’t.

ObamaCare will provide taxpayers with plenty of bitter pills.

Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let’s hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion.

Q. If the Obama administration was a football division, what would the teams be called?

A. The Stealers, the Bills, the Chargers and the Lyings.

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn’t get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn’t leave, so the farmer explained to him, “Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.” Obama angrily replied, “Hey, are you saying that I’m a horse’s ass?” The farmer answered, “No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse’s ass. It’s hard to fool them flies though.”

Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day?
A. It keeps your doctor away.

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Once upon a time there was a young boy named Obama.  He lived on a farm and even though he was just a boy he was in charge of the farm.  No one really knew how he got there or why he was in charge but he was, to be sure.  Some say it was due to the magic of the barnyard that got him there and that young Obama learned his trade by shoveling out the barnyard.  But others felt that he was just a natural at shoveling and that it is how he somehow convinced all the people at the farm to let him be in charge (but that is the story of another fairy tale.)

One day young Obama found these magic beans.  A voice from the sky told him that if he planted these beans it would grow jobs for all the people who lived around the great big farm.  He wasn’t sure how this could work but if the voice told him it was true he knew it must be.

So young Obama knew he had to rely greatly on his shoveling skills to plant these beans.  He would also need the help of the 535 farmhands that worked on the farm to plant these beans.  Fortunately, a prerequisite for being a farmhand was to be extra good at shoveling, in many cases that was their only skill.  Young Obama also thought of another farmhand named Joe and maybe Joe could help.  He ran out to find Joe but when he saw him he was just sitting on a pile of hay with a piece of grass between his teeth and staring off into space.  Young Obama thought Joe was daydreaming about how one day he would be in charge and young Obama knew that Joe was not going to be of much help.  As a side note, young Obama heard a noise on the other side of the stack of hay that sounded like grunting.  He went to check it out but it was just the guy who used to run the farm, Bill, with a young woman from town rolling around together.  Young Obama smiled but he knew he had no time to watch this, he had to get these magic beans planted or he wouldn’t be running the farm for very much longer.

Young Obama went to find old Harry.  He was in charge of the farmhands and he was very good at shoveling and getting others to shovel.  The only problem was that there were farmhands that worked only on the left side of the farm and others that worked only on the right side of the farm and they would always argue with each other.  They never wanted to work together.  This was a problem for young Obama.

Young Obama also called upon another of the main farmhands, a lady named Nancy.  She was excellent at shoveling but it seemed that sometimes she shoveled the holes so deeply that they were too difficult to get out of.  Not only that, young Obama had a hard time looking at Nancy because her face seemed plastic and she never was able to smile except through great effort.  This problem of getting the beans planted was getting more and more difficult and time was becoming a factor.  If these beans didn’t get planted soon young Obama’s friends on the left side of the farm were going to be replaced by new farmhands.  (What young Obama didn’t realize was that it would be just a new set of shovelers shoveling the same old stuff, but he was still mighty concerned.)

Suddenly a bright idea came to young Obama.  It didn’t matter how well the beans would grow into jobs if he hired bean counters who used calculators with a held down seven.  In that way no matter what number was punched into the calculator it would always be multiplied by seven and he would look good no matter what.  Problem solved.

So, somehow young Obama got the farmhands to plant the beans but it was done sloppily and without much forethought and the beans grew a little but they were not healthy, robust beans and they didn’t make many jobs as the voice from the sky had promised.  But young Obama always did have a backup plan in case the magic beans failed him.  He could always blame that big bush that was in the middle of the field, saying that it had poisoned his beans.  And so he did.  And young Obama lived happily ever after (at least for the next 3 years.)

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We are closing in on one year since Barack Obama was elected as president, or as he says to the mirror every night, “that he was elected as God.”  Of course, if that were true he would be inundated with Americans praying to him for a time machine so the next three years could pass instantly so we can elect someone else.

I can just hear Obama’s re-election campaign slogan now, “at least I’m not Bush.”  Naturally, this will bring a wry smile to the face of George Bush every time he hears it since it reminds him of the secret he will carry to his grave, that he actually voted for Obama because, ”Obama will make me not look so bad.”

Obama is already preparing for his re-election by getting on Facebook and seeing how many “friends” he can gather.  He assumed he was obligated to get onto all the social media sites like Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, etc. because he thought they were referred to as “socialism media”.  Since he cleared up that misconception he has lost a lot of interest.  Now, Bush also got caught up in the social media craze.  But, as you can imagine he got a little confused.  He told Laura he was afraid to get onto “MyFace” because if he got any “friends” there they might be bullies and sit on his face like Dick Cheney used to do when they got in the Oval Office alone together.

Obama has used television way more than any president ever imagined he could.  Now he may be going a bit too far.  The other day he met with some television executives.  He wants them to develop a show for him and call it “Dancing with Healthcare”.  He’ll host it but Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will be the main dancers.  If the show fails he can blame it on them because they have too many left feet.  Naturally Obama thinks since he is involved it will be too big to fail and he will likely win an Emmy for the show.  But, if not, no problem, he has that Nobel Peace Prize to fall back on.

By the way, that Nobel Peace Prize has Bill Clinton really ticked off.  He thinks he should have won it himself but he does take consolation in the fact that he could have won the Nobel “Piece” Prize if they gave an award for that kind of thing.  In fact, he is in communication with Playboy and Hustler about sponsoring that award so he can win it while he’s still in his prime.  Of course, Monica Lewinsky could argue he was past his prime already back when he was president.  Otherwise, he would have never ruined her dress with those stains.

It would appear that Obama is starting to backslide on that whole “hope and change“ feel-good thing that he got elected on .  Instead, he has resorted to having Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi parade up and down the halls of Congress with sandwich boards that say “will work for healthcare.”  If he is not careful his legacy, if healthcare passes, could be that the cliché of “Nothing is certain except death and taxes” is taken to a whole new level of truth.

Fox News has other plans for Obama.  They are hoping to put an end to all the “pork” projects that are coming out of the Obama administration.  When it comes to re-election time they are intent on borrowing a line from Porky Pig, “Ba-da, ba-da, ba-da, that’s all folks.”

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