Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 24-03-2011
(My new humor book, “How to Romance a Woman and Other Crap Like That” is available on the darnfunnyonline.com web site for only $6.95. It is an e-book. Download it now and start enjoying it right away!)
This past week a Biblical Scholar came out and said that God was married. Finally, we can have more of an understanding why a good, benevolent God would cause such things as disease, hardship, earthquakes, hurricanes, pestilence, etc.
I’m not saying that women can drive men a little crazy sometimes…okay, well maybe I am, but I only mean it in a good way… (Quick guys, somebody help me out of the corner I trapped myself into here.)
Well, since no one came to my defense it is just more evidence that all the men were afraid because their women tend to be control freaks. Yes, I know that is a generalization and it is totally untrue. It’s just the married women who are control freaks.
I have a theory about this…which upon speculation I have decided to keep totally to myself. I thought that might be wise based on the hot breath I felt on my neck. And trust me; this is not the good type of hot breath that we men fantasize about. It’s more like a specter of death kind of hot breath that warned me to keep my mouth shut. (See, I told you they were control freaks-ouch!)
Women like to think that they don’t want their men to be “whipped”, yet, in reality, they like to feel like they control everything about their man. They won’t use the term in public but when they get behind closed doors where it is just women talking I’d bet it is one of the most common words in their vocabulary! This is kind of like Charlie Sheen and “winning”. For women their version of “winning” is “whipped”.
Here is an example of a woman having her man “whipped”:
Wife: Honey, I need you to take out the trash right away, it’s starting to overflow.
Husband: I’ll do it in a little while. I’m busy right now.
Wife: You said the same thing a few hours ago. You’re sitting on your chair doing nothing.
Husband: That’s just the way it appears. For all you know I could be saving the world here while I’m deep in my thought processes.
Wife: That’s great Ghandi, but how about saving the world after you take out the trash. We’re going to have our own crisis of great proportions right here in this house if you don’t do it now!
Husband: Fine, I’ll do it, but the fate of the world is on your head.
Wife: I’ll bear that burden…And while you’re up run to the store and get a few things. I’ll make a list.
(The husband is grumbling to himself as he walks out the door.)
Wife: (Gets a big smile and says to herself) Duh, whipped.
In reality, it only appears we men are whipped. We are not stupid… okay, maybe a little bit. But what we really are is sly like a fox. If we let you women think you are in control of everything we get out of an awful lot of work and that plays right into our hands. Because, what we are more than anything is lazy and shiftless. I think it’s safe to say the men win that round…wait…At least I think we do.