Discussing Relationships, Blah, Blah
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 10-02-2011
Tags: funny essays, humorous article, humorous articles, humorous essays, male/female jokes, man/woman jokes, really funny articles, really funny essays, relationship humor
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(This is an article that I had written and posted at this exact time last year, just before Valentine’s Day. I thought it would be fun to post again and stir the male/female thing at this time of year. And I was right, it is fun!!)
If you are a woman and you want to see a man instantly get a blank look on his face just ask him to discuss your relationship. In fact, it just occurred to me that some women could use this as a ploy to not getting any protest just before she is about to go clothing shopping and spend a lot of money.
It would go like this. She is already dressed and ready to walk out the door. She sees her husband who is watching TV and engages the ploy. “You know, honey, I would really like to talk about our relationship. Can we do that now?” He immediately goes into a trance, 90% real, 10% feigned in hopes that she will leave without another word. She waits for a response she knows is not forthcoming. “Not now? Okay, maybe later. I’m going to go shopping then.” She walks out the door with a smile as she heads off to her guilt free shopping adventure. After all, she did notify him. He sits there still fixated in the trace for at least another ten minutes. Not fair at all!
Eventually, these relationship discussions are inevitable though. We can only avoid them for so long. They usually go about like this: (We’ll skip the preliminary stuff and go right to the woman nagging, ‘er, I mean discussing.)
Woman: I feel like you don’t pay enough attention to me, unless we’re having sex. (Author’s commentary here: truthfully, he may not have been paying that much attention then either.) And when we’re at home together you are always watching sports or playing video games.
What the man actually heard during this conversation was, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, sex.” When he heard sex he suddenly felt alive…until she continued talking. Then, again, he heard her say, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, sports or playing video games.” Again he perked up. Suddenly he is hit with panic. He doesn’t know what she said. Does she want to have sex with him now? If that’s the case he doesn’t want to blow the opportunity. Or maybe she was telling him she enjoys it when he watches sports or plays video games, in which case let’s get busy watching or playing. He’s hoping she didn’t say she wanted to watch or play the games with him, please, not that.
Suddenly she breaks the awkward silence that he was too self possessed to realize was occurring.
Woman: (Angrily) Well, are you going to say anything at all?
Man: Uh…did you say that..uh…that, uh, you wanted to have sex?
Then he finds himself waking up moments later rubbing his blackened eye.
Occasionally, when a man is just talking with his spouse and he doesn’t consider that they are talking about their relationship he might say something that she considers to be very sweet and loving. He didn’t know any better and said it inadvertently.
Nevertheless, he will get a lot of credit for this, which means nothing more than the woman will tell all of her closest girlfriends about it. Actually, she’ll constantly be telling them things that he did, good or bad. It’s part of a code that women have. They are compelled to talk about relationships to each other. It’s like a pact they sign when they reach womanhood. It’s also necessary because we men are too shallow to do it.
Some men might be tempted to secretly listen in on one of these women sessions sometime. But the fact is that all they’d ever really hear anyway is, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and then he wanted to have sex.”
