A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.
A. Whitney Brown

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
A. Whitney Brown

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
A. Whitney Brown

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A. Whitney Brown

I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.
Lenny Bruce

The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.
Lenny Bruce

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Lenny Bruce

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it… try to fake three laughs in an hour – ha ha ha ha ha – they’ll take you away, man. You can’t.
Lenny Bruce

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
Lenny Bruce

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Lenny Bruce

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