“President Obama has been explaining his healthcare plan now to senior citizens. And yesterday, at a town hall meeting, he promised the crowd that he will not, quote, ‘pull the plug on Grandma.’ Then, there was an awkward moment when Grandpa stood up and booed.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama says he will not support a health-care plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, ‘pull the plug on Grandma.’ Apparently, Obama’s plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.” –Conan O’Brien

“But Obama’s birthday is a reminder of why healthcare is so important. As you probably know, due to a lack of healthcare coverage, Obama’s mother was turned away from a number of hospitals and was ultimately forced to give birth in a manger.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“The Republicans had been running a surprisingly effective campaign against the proposal for national healthcare, but the President found a very clever way to get them on board. Behind the scenes, he offered a key provision that would provide free breast implants for their girlfriends.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“The Republicans had been running a surprisingly effective campaign against the proposal for national healthcare, but the President found a very clever way to get them on board. Behind the scenes, he offered a key provision that would provide free breast implants for their girlfriends.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama held a Q & A session about healthcare reform with senior citizens over the Internet. Unfortunately, the senior citizens spent the entire hour typing questions into their microwave ovens.” –Conan O’Brien