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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson:

“A new poll found that 41 percent of Americans don’t know who the Vice President is. In reponse, Joe Biden was like, “All right, at least give me a hint.” –Jimmy Fallon

“In an interview on MSNBC, Levi Johnston said he has no idea if additional troops will help the war in Afghanistan. Which of course begs the question, who the hell is asking Levi Johnston about strategy for Afghanistan.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama has listed the songs on his iPod. The Tea Partiers are checking to see if ‘Born in the USA’ is on the list.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Rahm Emanuel is leaving the Obama administration. He wants to become mayor of Chicago. If you’re mayor of Chicago, that means you report directly to Oprah.” –David Letterman

“President Obama said today that education is the key to our economic turnaround. He said once Americans start getting smarter, the economy will start to improve. So you know what that means: we are screwed.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama said today that change is hard. You think it’s hard now? Wait until the House changes in November.” –Jay Leno

“Christine O’Donnell was caught lying about her educational background. She may not believe in pleasuring herself, but she thought her resume needed massaging.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has written a children’s book. Why not? He’s got nothing else on his plate.” –David Letterman
“Obama’s book is called ‘The One-Term Engine That Could.’” –David Letterman

“Vice President Joe Biden lashed out at fellow Democrats. He said that those Democrats that didn’t get what they wanted should just ‘buck up.’ Of course, Joe Biden has ‘bucked up’ a number of times.” –Jay Leno

“The United Nations is appointing an official space alien greeter to meet and greet any aliens that may visit Earth in the future. Well, how does this make Mexican people coming to America feel?” –Jay Leno

“While in New York City, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad met with Louis Farrakhan. I’m not sure where they met, but I think we can rule out the Carnegie Deli.” –Jay Leno

“During a trip next month, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he’s planning to throw a rock at Israel. And today, Israel introduced its newest defense weapon: paper.” –Jimmy Fallon

“After a lot of speculation, the Chinese government has decided not to change its one-child policy next year. In a related story, China just renewed its most popular show, ‘Jon & Kate Plus One and That’s It.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“In a new interview with Rolling Stone magazine, President Obama said he has Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, and the Rolling Stones on his iPod. Unfortunately, the question was ‘Do you have a plan to fix the economy?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“At the UN, President Obama called on other countries to help us track down and eliminate radicals and extremists. But they told Obama, ‘Hey, the tea party is your problem, buddy.’” –Jay Leno

“These Tea Party groups are very conservative. In fact, 58 percent of Tea Party members now believe Joe Biden is a Muslim.” –Jay Leno

“In the book, they talk about bitter arguments, personality conflicts, and power struggles. And that’s just with Obama’s mother-in-law.” –David Letterman

“On the ‘Today’ show, President Obama said he supports having a longer school year. In response, Sasha and Malia announced they support Sarah Palin.” –Jimmy Fallon

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Here are some more Obama jokes from the late night comedians covering that last few years, including Jay Leno, David Letterman, and Craig Ferguson and others.

From “The Late Show with David Letterman,”  July 24, 2009:

Anybody see President Obama’s press conference last night on television about the health plan? Here’s the deal: it will cost a trillion dollars, but that will be in three easy payments of $330 billion a month, so it’s not that bad.

President Obama, this guy takes everything seriously. He’s very upset about what’s going on in Iran. As a matter of fact, today he announced that he’s going to stop smoking Camels.

So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they’re saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope.

President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax code. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.

People think it’s amazing that the President would take time to leave Washington, D.C., and fly 3,000 miles to come to California. But that happens to a lot of guys when their mother-in-law moves in with them.

President Obama got some good news today. It seems so many of his cabinet appointees have been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets a finder’s fee from the IRS.

The Obamas are expecting the arrival of the First Dog in April. Actually, it’s Obama’s second choice of a dog. The first dog, he had some tax problems.

President Obama took his first foreign trip as president today up to Canada. He met with the prime minister to discuss one of the greatest threats facing our nation today — Canadian geese.

Prosecutors said Tuesday that there is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved in the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported it, “Is Barack Obama involved in the Blagojevich scandal?”

He’s come up with a great initiative to create two and a half million jobs for America … it’s a wonderful plan, the catch is we all have to move to China.

Tonight: the media reacts to Obama’s cabinet picks. There’s a debate over whether to shower him with praise — or adulation.

Everyone is waiting to see what Barack Obama has planned. We already know his economic plan. It’s designed to help small businesses that make under $250,000 a year. You know, like General Motors and Chrysler.

It’s an exciting time in Washington, Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. And so far, he’s got his mother-in-law gonna be living with him, and he’s talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. So you got your mother-in-law, you got Hillary Clinton — boy, sounds like smooth sailing to me!

It’s an exciting time in Washington, Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. And so far, he’s got his mother-in-law gonna be living with him, and he’s talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. So you got your mother-in-law, you got Hillary Clinton — boy, sounds like smooth sailing to me!

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Here are some jokes from the late night comedians about Christine O’Donnell, the Senate candidate who came out against masturbation:

“You know this Tea Party candidate, Christine O’Donnell is causing a lot of controversy with her kind of unorthodox views. She’s come out against masturbation. You know what that means? She’s out of touch with those voters who are in touch with themselves.” –Jay Leno

“More problems for candidate O’Donnell. It seems she canceled all her Sunday talk show appearances after a video surfaced her on Bill Maher’s TV show where she admitted she once dabbled in witchcraft. So, apparently, she is pro-dabbling, but anti-diddling.” –Jay Leno

“Christine O’Donnell says that she once had a date on a satanic altar? Well, who hasn’t?” –David Letterman

“Christine O’Donnell looks a lot like Sarah Palin, and you know what that means, more work for Tina Fey.” –David Letterman

“Nation, I’ve have been a diehard supporter of Delaware Republican Senate Christine O’Donnell ever since I learned of her existence last week. She is a dynamic, conservative Christian who believes masturbation is adultery. And fellas she’s single and will condemn you for masturbating. The total package.” –Stephen Colbert

“In Delaware, former Republican governor Mike Castle was defeated by Sarah Palin favorite Christine O’Donnell. Nobody knows what this woman does for a living, if anything. All we do know is that she’s gone on the record to oppose masturbation, for real. I have a feeling Christine O’Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Democrats are calling Christine O’Donnell ‘the Sarah Palin of the East.’ Really? She’s a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That’s not Sarah Palin, that’s Joe Biden.” –Craig Ferguson

“Christine O’Donnell won a huge upset, but she’s got some problems. Even though she is a Republican, Karl Rove has accused her of lying. Let me tell you something, when the guy who told 300 million Americans there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq says you’re lying, he knows what he’s talking about.” –Jay Leno

“A lot of people love this woman. In the last 24 hours she’s raised more than $1 million. Which I think is ironic, because she’s against masturbation, but she’s taking money hand over fist.” –Craig Ferguson

“She is against masturbation. Frankly, I don’t think it’s any of her business what I do in the privacy of that voting booth. This is America, once you close that little curtain, you should be able to pull any lever you want.” –Jay Leno

“Her detractors say she’s homeless, jobless, and can’t pay her taxes. And her supporters say, ‘Finally, someone who represents the average American.” –Bill Maher

“I don’t know a lot about Christine O’Donnell, but she has some interesting views. She has come out against masturbation. And you thought the war on drugs was unwinnable.” –Jay Leno

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Here are the funniest jokes of the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson and David Letterman:

“President Obama was in Cleveland pitching his latest economic plan. He picked Cleveland because those are the Browns fans, and in September, they’ll believe anything.” –Jay Leno

“There was one awkward moment when the speech ended at lunch time. 9.6 percent of the people had no job to go back to.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama has introduced a $50 billion plan to rebuild the nation’s infrastructure. Now, let’s think back, remember the first $187 billion stimulus package, wasn’t that what that was supposed to do? Remember when we were told about what were called shovel-ready jobs? Whenever Washington talks about shovel-ready jobs, get your shovel ready.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is trying to back the Republicans into a corner by paying for tax cuts for small businesses with tax hikes on big business. It’s like that old trick when you take two balls and throw one in the air to distract your opponent and throw the other one right at his chest. That’s right, I can explain abstract fiscal policy using analogies about balls. Tomorrow night we will discuss trickle-down economics.” –Craig Ferguson

“So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get mad about it, it just means they don’t know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn’t dare interrupt their game of croquet.” –Craig Ferguson

“The new taxes are going to put rich people in a very tough spot. Paris Hilton may have to carry her own cocaine. Trump may have to fire the guy who trims that thing on his head. Warren Buffet may have to move in with his cousin Jimmy Buffet.” –Craig Ferguson

“U.S. commanders in Afghanistan are ending their zero-tolerance policy on corruption and allowing local officials who are on our side to be ‘moderately’ corrupt. It’s the same policy we have in Congress.” –Jay Leno

“Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer stopped speaking during an interview and stared blankly at the camera for 30 seconds. The good news is, she’s now eligible to be governor of Alaska.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama will be laying out a new economic plan. Apparently, we had an old economic plan.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton opened the Middle East peace talks and said, “People with a history of conflict can learn to live together.’ And believe me, she knows what she’s talking about.” –Jay Leno

“A teacher has been jailed for six months for assigning her students masturbation as homework. What is happening to our education system? Remember when teachers cared enough to have sex with students personally.” –Jay Leno

“It’s rumored that White House gatecrasher Michaele Salahi is going to pose nude in Playboy. Salahi said her main motivation for posing in Playboy is the fact that no one’s invited her to.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during ‘Spongebob Squarepants.’” –Craig Ferguson

“Hillary Clinton is denying rumors that she will replace Joe Biden as the Vice President in 2012. It’s fun to have a Clinton denying stuff again.” –David Letterman

“At the White House yesterday, President Obama told Israelis and Palestinians to reach a peace deal because they might not get another chance soon. That’s not really a peace plan. That’s how you get a 5-year-old to use the bathroom.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama is now trying for peace in the Middle East using a two state solution. I believe the two states are denial and delusion.” –Jay Leno

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Here are some more Joe Biden jokes from the late night comedians since he has been the Vice President.

“Hey, I thought this was nice. To celebrate Earth Day, a group of schoolchildren in Washington each planted a hair plug in Joe Biden’s head.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama says his daughters will take care of the dog, but who picks up the dog’s poop after the kids go to sleep? Well, that duty will fall on a low-level employee with nothing else to do. Joe Biden’s going to be cleaning up.” –Craig Ferguson

The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice was a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Today was Joe Biden’s first full day as vice president. Yeah, advisors say Biden spent most of the day watering his hair.” –Conan O’Brien

“It’s Vice President-elect Joe Biden’s birthday today. And Barack Obama bought him 12 cupcakes for his birthday, which is a smart gift to give Biden because when his mouth is full of cupcakes he can’t say anything stupid.” –Craig Ferguson

“Late last night, Sen. Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of these United States. And even if you are a Republican or a member of one of the small crazy people parties, you could find something to be happy about, whether it’s that we have our first-ever African-American president or even that we have our first vice president with hair plugs.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I’m gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn’t give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“You know, an article in the Washington Post today said that some medical experts believe Joe Biden may have had Botox. In fact, you know how they could tell? His expression didn’t change when they asked him about his hair plugs.” –Jay Leno

“Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in her speech, praised Joe Biden, calling him the ‘full package,’ that’s what she called him, that’s the actual term she used, she called him the ‘full package.’ Now he’s getting phone calls from Senator Larry Craig.” –Jay Leno

“Although Joe Biden is in great physical condition, the Republicans are raising questions about his health now. I guess he had a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. Hey, you can’t expect every vice president to be the picture of health like Dick Cheney, okay?” –Jay Leno

“In a speech in Washington, D.C., Delaware Senator Joe Biden said although he wants to be president, he’d rather be at home making love to his wife. Which is ironic, because Bill Clinton said the same thing. He said he’d rather be home making love to Joe Biden’s wife too.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe’s popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At this rate, he could win the nomination by the year 2032.” –Jay Leno

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Joe Biden has set himself up to be the best source of Vice-Presidential comedy writing material since Dan Quayle so here are some Biden jokes from late night since he’s been in office:

“Sir Paul McCartney played at the White House last night. He dedicated the Beatles song ‘Michelle’ to the First Lady. Isn’t that lovely? And then for Joe Biden, he played ‘Fool on the Hill.’” –Craig Ferguson

“Joe Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President’s top secret bunker. The guy can’t help it. But he did apologize. He said, ‘I am so sorry for the mistake. The launch code is 85334. It will never happen again. It will never happen again. My Gmail password is robot23. What am I doing? The house key is under the plant near the doorstep.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Vice President Joe Biden is on a trip to Bosnia, Serbia, and Kosovo. The White House is calling it ‘Operation Keep Biden Away From the Microphones.’” –Jay Leno

“Here’s something that I am very excited about. Joe Biden, the current vice president, was yakking away over the weekend. And he — remember when Dick Cheney was in an undisclosed location and everybody thought: Where? So supposedly top secret information, classified information. And Joe Biden just says, ‘No, I know where he was. He was hiding under his house. Joe Biden is living proof that people can give up sensitive information without being tortured.’” –David Letterman

“At the Gridiron Dinner, Joe Biden started talking and accidentally revealed Dick Cheney’s secret hiding place. See, there’s more proof you don’t need waterboarding to get secret information. Just give Joe Biden a couple of drinks….This is part of our new plan. It’s called ‘Don’t Ask, We’ll Tell.’” –Jay Leno

“There was a private screening of ‘Star Trek’ at the White House over the weekend. And President Obama said he really liked the film. The best thing about private screenings, because we get to do them – it’s not like seeing it with the public, you know, where there might be some moron talking through the whole movie. In fact, that’s why they didn’t tell Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“Oh, man, Biden did it again. God may have taken away Bush, but by golly, he gave us Joe Biden. You see this today? Joe Biden was on the ‘Today’ show, and he said he would tell his family members not to take any commercial flights and don’t ride in any subway cars because of this swine flu. You know, I don’t think Joe Biden’s going to catch swine flu, but it’s pretty obvious he has a case of foot-in-mouth disease.” –Jay Leno

“Vice President Joe Biden said on the ‘Today’ show that the subways in New York City are not safe because of swine flu. Hey Joe, listen to this – the subways weren’t safe before swine flu.” –David Letterman

“Oh, on Friday, President Obama was taken to a secure location in the White House after a single engine plane strayed over White House air space. As a precaution, they took the President to a place in the White House nobody even knew existed — Joe Biden’s office.” –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden is Barack Obama’s running mate. Yeah, nothing says change like a guy who’s been in the Senate for 35 years.” –David Letterman

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Craig Ferguson:

“Everyone is talking about Steven Slater, the flight attendant who cursed at a passenger, grabbed two beers, and slid down the escape slide, in what may be the best resignation ever. In fact he’s so good at quitting, they’re thinking about making him the next governor of Alaska.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“It could be the first time in history that someone has been arrested for going down an inflatable slide.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“The Mexican Supreme Court ruled that all Mexican states must recognize same-sex marriages registered in Mexico City. So men can now marry in Mexico, but they still can’t honeymoon in Arizona.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The current mayor said Levi Johnston should get his high school diploma and keep his clothes on if he wants to win. And then Levi was like, ‘Dude, he just told me how to win. What an idiot.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“If anyone is looking for a job, there’s an opening for a flight attendant at JetBlue. … Steven Slater, the famous JetBlue flight attendant, dropped so many F-bombs on that plane that he got a thumbs up from Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“The New Orleans Saints visited the White House. They presented President Obama with a Saints jersey with the number 44, in honor of his approval rating.” –Jay Leno

“Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand because she didn’t have a license. Officials haven’t issued a statement yet. They’re busy popping balloon animals and stomping on sand castles.” –Craig Ferguson

“A JetBlue flight attendant cursed out passengers, grabbed two beers, slid down the chute and took off. The pilots were furious. Those were their last two beers.” –Jay Leno

“This flight attendant really went crazy. The good news: terrorists are now afraid to fly.” –Jay Leno

“The New Orleans Saints visited the White House yesterday. That’s an interesting switch, people from New Orleans visiting a disaster area.” –Jay Leno

“Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he’ll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama announced this month that he created 70,000 new jobs. The bad news is, they are all vacation planners for him and his family.” –Jay Leno

“The U.S. Postal Service reported a $3.5 billion loss in the last quarter, which established it as the federal government’s most successful enterprise.” –Jay Leno

“Plans are being finalized for Mexico’s bicentennial. On Sept. 15, over 70 million Mexicans will celebrate, and that’s just in Los Angeles.” –Jay Leno

“Levi Johnston is planning to run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. He really is trying as hard as he can to get shot by Sarah Palin, isn’t he?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mel Gibson’s father is speaking out, claiming that the Pope is a homosexual. It might be a good time for the whole Gibson family to go to a monastery and take a vow of silence.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel:

“A federal judge overturned Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in California, which came as great news for both gays and wedding planners. Although that might be redundant.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Happy birthday to President Obama. If you want to get him a present, he’s registered at Bed, Bath, and Blame Bush.” –Jay Leno

“They got him a huge cake. He didn’t blow out the candles, he just taxed them until they gave up and went out on their own.” –Jay Leno

“A California judge has overruled California’s ban on gay marriage. Finally gay men can marry someone other than Liza Minelli. … Wedding planners can now plan their own weddings.” –Jay Leno

“Just a few weeks after they announced their engagement, Bristol Palin claims that she has officially broken things off with Levi Johnston after he told her he may have gotten another woman pregnant. That’s always the deal breaker, isn’t it? Apparently they agreed to be abstinent until they were married, Levi just thought it meant with Bristol.” –Jay Leno

“How can we pull 130,000 men out of Iraq when we can’t even get Levi to pull out of his own girlfriend.” –Jay Leno

“The price of coffee has surged to a 12-year high. It’s getting so expensive that BP is thinking about spilling some.” –Jay Leno

“Congressman Charlie Rangel and Congresswoman Maxine Waters met this to work out their new number one issue: prison reform.” –Jay Leno

“Congressman Rangel has been accused of 13 ethics violations, or as they call it in Washington, fundraising.” –Jay Leno

“Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have apparently broken up again, less than a month after announcing their engagement. Bristol called it off faster than you can say, ‘Mom, put the gun down.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“I think with the right amount of love, patience, and a 12-episode guarantee from a reality show on VH1, those two can end up engaged again one day.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Sarah Palin today said she has mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she was never a big fan of Levi in the first place, but on the other hand, she had already shot the polar bear to make her daughter’s wedding dress.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“It was announced that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have broken up. These two have called it quits more times than Brett Favre.” –Jay Leno

“Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what’s left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere.” –Jay Leno

“Experts in the Gulf of Mexico say they are having trouble finding the oil and they think it’s under water. They don’t call them experts for nothing. ” –David Letterman

“President Obama announced his plan to remove all combat troops from Iraq by the end of August. So thank you to all the men and women serving in Iraq and ‘Good luck in Afghanistan!’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Do you know that $8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq? I didn’t even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there.” –Jay Leno

“Three convicted murderers escaped from a prison in Arizona. The governor told the people, ‘Don’t worry, all three murderers are American citizens.’” –Jay Leno

“Us magazine is reporting that Levi Johnston wants to get a GED. Or whatever they call that thing women use to not get pregnant.” –Jay Leno

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Here are the very best jokes from this week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel:

“President Obama is going on ‘The View’ to talk about the economy. Later on, he’ll go to ‘General Hospital’ to explain to doctors how the new healthcare system works.” –Jay Leno

“With Arizona’s new immigration law getting ready to kick in, there’s a new slogan: ‘What happens in Arizona stays in Mexico.’” –Jay Leno

“Congress’ approval rating has hit an all-time low of 11 percent. To give you an idea of how bad that is, the BP oil spill is at 12 percent.” –Jay Leno

“Continental announced a new feature called ’self boarding.’ There’s no ticket agent taking your boarding pass anymore, and you scan it yourself as you board the plane. It’s part of Continental’s ‘Terrorists Fly Hassel-free’ program.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is in town for an appearance on ‘The View.’ He probably won’t get a word in edgewise, but he said he’s used to it. He lives with his mother-in-law.” –David Letterman

“A guy in New York robbed a bank wearing clown pants, a wig, and a bra. I thought to myself, This could be a thousand guys living in the Village.” –David Letterman

“Elmhurst, Ind. wants to make it illegal to roll your eyes in public. But what if Rod Blagojevich comes to town and declares his innocence?” –David Letterman

“A federal judge has blocked Arizona’s immigration law. Immigrants have been celebrating and throwing confetti. The governor of Arizona said, ‘Sure, now they’re showing us their papers.’” –Craig Ferguson

“BP CEO Tony Hayward complained that he was unfairly ‘demonized’ in the U.S. over his handling of the Gulf oil spill. In response, demons complained that they were unfairly compared to BP CEO Tony Hayward.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is lashing out at Paul the Octopus, who predicted winners in the World Cup. Ahmadinejad said the octopus represents what’s wrong with the West. I guess he’s never seen ‘Jersey Shore.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“He said Paul the Octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay in the Western world. You have to lose some dictator credibility when you pick a fight with an octopus.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama’s new message to the American people is ‘things could be a lot worse.’ We’ve gone from ‘change you can believe in’ to ‘things could be a lot worse.’ The sequel is never as good as the original.” –Jay Leno

“BP announced that as a result of their own internal investigation, it has cleared itself of all blame in the Gulf oil spill. In a related story, Congressman Charlie Rangel has announced that he will be investigating himself and will find himself completely innocent.” –Jay Leno

“An American named Bob Dudley is BP’s new CEO. Nice to see an American taking a job from a foreigner for once.” –Jay Leno

“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said this week that ‘Jersey Shore’ is giving New Jersey a bad name. As opposed to the good, clean, inspirational shows about New Jersey, like ‘The Sopranos.’” –Jay Leno

“Paris Hilton is in hot water for a picture in which she looks like she’s doing a Nazi salute. Let’s be honest, Paris Hilton has no idea what a Nazi salute is. She probably thinks Nazi is a game you play with dice.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson:

“The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don’t care who the groom is as long as it’s not Levi Johnston.” –Jay Leno

“According to a study by the Brookings institution, Washington D.C. has the highest concentration of smart people in the United States. Lets see; we have a mess in the Gulf, we have a dysfunctional Homeland Security, and we are $13 trillion in debt. Imagine how bad it would be if these people weren’t geniuses.” –Jay Leno

“AT&T announced today that they are working on a new app for the iPhone. This one will allow you to make calls.” –Jay Leno

“The Obamas invited Broadway stars to perform at the White House. Unfortunately, things got a little awkward when Barack told one lady how great she was in ‘Wicked,’ then realized it was just Nancy Pelosi.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Bristol Palin wants Levi Johnston to wear a camouflage vest at their wedding next month. When she heard that, Sarah Palin was like, ‘That’s fine, I wasn’t planning on aiming that high anyway.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“It’s so hot in New York City that conservatives have started the ‘Iced Tea Party.’” –David Letterman

“Apparently BP’s containment cap is leaking. When asked if the rumors are true, a BP spokesman said, ‘Aren’t there any more Mel Gibson tapes?’” –Craig Ferguson

“Dick Cheney is recovering from heart surgery in the hospital. I understand Fox sent flowers, and MSNBC sent a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.” –Jay Leno

“All of Mel Gibson’s troubles could have been avoided if he’d just made those calls with the iPhone 4. None of them would have gone through.” –Jay Leno

“Rumors are that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are going to film a reality show. Sarah Palin says she can’t wait to start shooting, but that’s totally unrelated.” –Craig Ferguson

“Today is a day of cautious optimism. The BP well has been capped and Lindsay Lohan is in rehab, but we’re not sure how long either one is going to hold.” –Jay Leno

“For the first time since April, oil has stopped gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m not sure what engineers they used to fix it but I think we can rule out the guys who created the new iPhone 4.” –Jay Leno

“Apple will now offer a free iPhone case for all iPhone users. It’s not going to help reception, but it protects the iPhone after you throw it against the wall.” –Jay Leno

“Experts are now saying that these thousands of accidents caused by Toyotas were really driver error. The driver error was buying a Toyota.” –Jay Leno

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