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Here are the very best jokes from this week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel:

“President Obama is going on ‘The View’ to talk about the economy. Later on, he’ll go to ‘General Hospital’ to explain to doctors how the new healthcare system works.” –Jay Leno

“With Arizona’s new immigration law getting ready to kick in, there’s a new slogan: ‘What happens in Arizona stays in Mexico.’” –Jay Leno

“Congress’ approval rating has hit an all-time low of 11 percent. To give you an idea of how bad that is, the BP oil spill is at 12 percent.” –Jay Leno

“Continental announced a new feature called ’self boarding.’ There’s no ticket agent taking your boarding pass anymore, and you scan it yourself as you board the plane. It’s part of Continental’s ‘Terrorists Fly Hassel-free’ program.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is in town for an appearance on ‘The View.’ He probably won’t get a word in edgewise, but he said he’s used to it. He lives with his mother-in-law.” –David Letterman

“A guy in New York robbed a bank wearing clown pants, a wig, and a bra. I thought to myself, This could be a thousand guys living in the Village.” –David Letterman

“Elmhurst, Ind. wants to make it illegal to roll your eyes in public. But what if Rod Blagojevich comes to town and declares his innocence?” –David Letterman

“A federal judge has blocked Arizona’s immigration law. Immigrants have been celebrating and throwing confetti. The governor of Arizona said, ‘Sure, now they’re showing us their papers.’” –Craig Ferguson

“BP CEO Tony Hayward complained that he was unfairly ‘demonized’ in the U.S. over his handling of the Gulf oil spill. In response, demons complained that they were unfairly compared to BP CEO Tony Hayward.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is lashing out at Paul the Octopus, who predicted winners in the World Cup. Ahmadinejad said the octopus represents what’s wrong with the West. I guess he’s never seen ‘Jersey Shore.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“He said Paul the Octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay in the Western world. You have to lose some dictator credibility when you pick a fight with an octopus.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama’s new message to the American people is ‘things could be a lot worse.’ We’ve gone from ‘change you can believe in’ to ‘things could be a lot worse.’ The sequel is never as good as the original.” –Jay Leno

“BP announced that as a result of their own internal investigation, it has cleared itself of all blame in the Gulf oil spill. In a related story, Congressman Charlie Rangel has announced that he will be investigating himself and will find himself completely innocent.” –Jay Leno

“An American named Bob Dudley is BP’s new CEO. Nice to see an American taking a job from a foreigner for once.” –Jay Leno

“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said this week that ‘Jersey Shore’ is giving New Jersey a bad name. As opposed to the good, clean, inspirational shows about New Jersey, like ‘The Sopranos.’” –Jay Leno

“Paris Hilton is in hot water for a picture in which she looks like she’s doing a Nazi salute. Let’s be honest, Paris Hilton has no idea what a Nazi salute is. She probably thinks Nazi is a game you play with dice.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson:

“The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don’t care who the groom is as long as it’s not Levi Johnston.” –Jay Leno

“According to a study by the Brookings institution, Washington D.C. has the highest concentration of smart people in the United States. Lets see; we have a mess in the Gulf, we have a dysfunctional Homeland Security, and we are $13 trillion in debt. Imagine how bad it would be if these people weren’t geniuses.” –Jay Leno

“AT&T announced today that they are working on a new app for the iPhone. This one will allow you to make calls.” –Jay Leno

“The Obamas invited Broadway stars to perform at the White House. Unfortunately, things got a little awkward when Barack told one lady how great she was in ‘Wicked,’ then realized it was just Nancy Pelosi.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Bristol Palin wants Levi Johnston to wear a camouflage vest at their wedding next month. When she heard that, Sarah Palin was like, ‘That’s fine, I wasn’t planning on aiming that high anyway.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“It’s so hot in New York City that conservatives have started the ‘Iced Tea Party.’” –David Letterman

“Apparently BP’s containment cap is leaking. When asked if the rumors are true, a BP spokesman said, ‘Aren’t there any more Mel Gibson tapes?’” –Craig Ferguson

“Dick Cheney is recovering from heart surgery in the hospital. I understand Fox sent flowers, and MSNBC sent a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.” –Jay Leno

“All of Mel Gibson’s troubles could have been avoided if he’d just made those calls with the iPhone 4. None of them would have gone through.” –Jay Leno

“Rumors are that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are going to film a reality show. Sarah Palin says she can’t wait to start shooting, but that’s totally unrelated.” –Craig Ferguson

“Today is a day of cautious optimism. The BP well has been capped and Lindsay Lohan is in rehab, but we’re not sure how long either one is going to hold.” –Jay Leno

“For the first time since April, oil has stopped gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m not sure what engineers they used to fix it but I think we can rule out the guys who created the new iPhone 4.” –Jay Leno

“Apple will now offer a free iPhone case for all iPhone users. It’s not going to help reception, but it protects the iPhone after you throw it against the wall.” –Jay Leno

“Experts are now saying that these thousands of accidents caused by Toyotas were really driver error. The driver error was buying a Toyota.” –Jay Leno

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Mel Gibson has made himself a hot topic as of late and here are some jokes from the late night comedians about what had made him a hot topic over the last few years…hint, it has not been his acting.

“There’s now a 48-hour cease-fire going on in the Middle East. Israel will stop attacking Hezbollah. But, Hezbollah will not necessarily agree to stop attacking Israel. Hey, we can’t even get Mel Gibson to stop attacking Israel.” –Jay Leno

“Mel Gibson apologized to the Jewish community for anti-Semitic remarks he made when he was drunk. Yeah, then Gibson apologized to Catholics for not being able to hold his liquor.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mr. Gibson announced today that he will be entering rehab — the Betty Ford Center for his alcoholism, and I believe the Henry Ford Center For Anti-Semitism.” –Jon Stewart

“As you may have heard, Mel Gibson was arrested in Malibu on a DUI. I don’t know what he was drinking but I think you can rule out Manischewitz.” –Jay Leno

“The sheriff said that Mel’s blood alcohol was .12. Give you an idea how high that is, half a point higher and he would officially be a Kennedy.” –Jay Leno

“They said on the news that if he is convicted he could face up to 14 days in the ‘Thunderdome.’” –Jay Leno

“Police said today that they found a bottle of tequila in Mel’s Lexus. So let’s sum up what happened here; Mel Gibson, who grew up in Australia, was drinking alcohol from Mexico in his Japanese car while yelling about the Jews in Israel. You know where he was coming from? A Thai restaurant. Welcome to America.” –Jay Leno

“Condoleezza Rice has been extremely busy this week, shuttling back and forth between Israel and Mel Gibson’s house.” –Jay Leno

“There are people already trying to capitalize on the Mel Gibson Jewish controversy. In fact a DVD of the arrest just came out. It’s called ‘Goys Gone Wild.’” –Jay Leno

“There’s some controvery about Mel Gibson’s for a DUI in Malibu. They think he may have gotten special treatment. There’s a police report that says instead of handcuffing him like they usually do, the arresting officer opened the door and asked Mel nicely to step in. I think right about now, Rodney King is going, ‘I should have been an actor!’” –Jay Leno

“Mel Gibson learned his lesson. He said it’s the last time he tries to outdrink Lindsay Lohan.” –Jay Leno

“A lot of people are mad at Mel Gibson. Yesterday on The View, Barbara Walters said because of his anti-Semitic remarks, she will never see a Mel Gibson movie again. Yeah, Walters said, as far as I’m concerned, he’s Star Jones to me” –Conan O’Brien

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More and more Al Gore is a politician who has earned the right to be the butt of jokes.  So, here are some from the late night comedians over the last few years:

“There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.” –Craig Ferguson

“You guys heard about Al Gore and Tipper splitting up? Everybody is talking about it. Everyone’s blogging about this, and now there are reports online that his daughter and her husband are splitting up. I bet this is the one week where Al Gore wishes he didn’t invent the Internet.” –Jimmy Fallon

“After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man’s carbon footprints.” –Bill Maher

“They could tell he was lonely as of late because when he’d hug a tree, he’d linger.” –Bill Maher, on Al Gore

“Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling.” –David Letterman

“Were you sad to learn that Al Gore and his wife, Tipper are splitting up— I was. I was a little sad about that. Yeah, according to the report, the two are ’separating amicably after a long process of careful consideration.’ You know, even his divorce is boring.” –Jay Leno

“Would you have ever guessed that Bill and Hillary would turn out to be Washington’s happiest married couple?” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday Al Gore told members of Congress ‘that the planet has a fever and it needs a doctor.’ When the congressmen heard this, they asked Gore, ‘You won an Oscar for this?’” –Conan O’Brien

“Al Gore told Congress that global warming shouldn’t be a political issue, it should be a moral issue. And Congress went, ‘A moral issue? What’s that?’” –Jay Leno

“Congratulations to Al Gore. His movie won an Oscar. Today it got reversed by the Supreme Court. … Al Gore announced last night that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It’s always had a green theme — money and envy.” –Jay Leno

“The big winner of the night was global warming. Everyone jumped on the hybrid bandwagon. But if you ask me, any lowering of emissions they achieved with the limos was canceled out by the amount of smoke they blew up Al Gore’s ass.” –Stephen Colbert

“If any of you at home are wondering about the former vice president’s seeming largess, I will have you know, he has not gained weight. He is so passionate about saving this Earth, he is trying not to exhale. … Here’s an inconvenient truth: cake isn’t a food group” –Jon Stewart

“You all ready for the Oscars? … Al Gore is expected to win for his documentary on global warming. I hope he … includes President Bush in the acceptance speech. I mean, without President Bush, we probably wouldn’t have a lot of this global warming.” –Jay Leno

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Here are the funniest jokes of the week from the late night comedians including, Jay Leno, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson.

“You people are so lucky you live in California. This heat wave back east is just unbelievable. … It was so hot in Washington, Nancy Pelosi skipped the Botox, had her face injected with frozen yogurt.” –Jay Leno

“Vice President Joe Biden made a surprise visit to Iraq on July 4. It was a surprise because Biden thought he was going to Des Moines for a fund-raiser.” –Jay Leno

“While Vice President Biden was away, Republican Chairman Michael Steele was forced to take over the job of saying embarrassing things you have to apologize for later.” –Jay Leno

“You hear about this? Michael Steele said that — well, he’s in trouble, actually — for saying the war in Afghanistan was Obama’s war, and it was unwinnable. In fact, Steele felt so sorry for it, he said today he went to his favorite bondage nightclub, demanded to be spanked.” –Jay Leno

“Back in 1776, Americans were fighting to escape British rule, these days we’re fighting to escape British oil.” –Jay Leno

“They say traces of BP’s oil has started turning up in disturbing places, like congressmen’s pockets.” –Jay Leno

“Iran has banned the mullet. Today, the state of Kentucky broke off all diplomatic relations with Iran.” –Jay Leno

“Sunday is July 4, when America combines our two favorite pastimes: alcohol and explosives.” –David Letterman

“Ladies and gentlemen, news from the world of broadcasting. Larry King has announced his retirement. He says he wants to spend more time with his wives.” –David Letterman

“But, seriously, Larry has really been trying to slow down, of course, since his recent death.” –David Letterman

“Here’s how savvy the Russian spies are and were — they knew four years ago that Ricky Martin was gay.” –David Letterman

“They’re having the confirmation hearings down in Washington, D.C., with Elena Kagan. And so far, the woman has offered very few opinions. I thought to myself, well, my God — how do you find a woman like that?” –David Letterman

“BP executives are saying that Hurricane Alex has rendered their clean-up efforts completely useless. In other words, nothing has changed.” –Craig Ferguson

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians.  It’s all Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon this time.

“Earlier today, British Petroleum began this operation known as ‘top kill,’ which comes on the heels of their previous operations, ‘fish kill’ and ‘bird kill.’” –Jay Leno

“According to a White House report, President Obama becoming more and more frustrated by this whole oil leak thing. He lost his temper today. He reportedly yelled at people, ‘Plug the damn hole!’ That’s the same thing he says whenever Joe Biden starts talking.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama announced yesterday he plans to send 1,200 troops to the U.S.-Mexican border. You know who we should hire to protect our border? It’s so simple. Mexicans. They want jobs, they’re there already.” –Jay Leno

“Last night was the finale of ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and Kate Gosselin made an appearance. I don’t want to say it was bad, but this morning, the Pakistani Taliban took credit for it.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, today is National Tap Dancing Day. Yes, this is the day we honor BP executives trying to explain the gulf oil disaster.” –Jay Leno

“One of the big gambling Web sites published odds on what species would be the first to become extinct from the oil spill. Unbelievable. You know the odds-on favorite? Democrat.” –Jay Leno

“Oh man, and the stock market. Another bad day. The market is so bad, BP had to lay off 15 senators.” –Jay Leno

“In Idaho, Republican Congressional candidate Vaughn Ward is in trouble after he was caught plagiarizing a famous speech by Barack Obama. When they asked this guy if he thought he could get away with this, you know what he said? ‘Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Yes, we can!’” –Jay Leno

“And over the weekend, at the Shanghai World Expo, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton passed out teddy bears to Chinese children. The kids politely accepted the bears even though, you know, they made them.” –Jay Leno|

“BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that’s ruining the ocean.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The White House is backing a new plan to repeal ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ They want to relax the harsh standard and implement their new policy, ‘Just Try To Not Make It Super Obvious.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“I heard that Paul McCartney invited the Jonas Brothers to his tribute at the White House next Wednesday because he thinks of them as the next Beatles. The Jonases were like, ‘Oh, man, that is so nice of you — who are the Beatles?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“And because of the ocean currents, experts say oil from the Gulf could easily spread up the East Coast all the way to the Carolinas. In fact, today, people in North Carolina said they hadn’t seen anything this slick and slimy since the John Edwards campaign.” –Jay Leno

“At the White House, speaking last week, a rodent ran in front of President Obama as he stood at the podium. In fact, the rat was picked up on the microphone going, ‘How do I get off this sinking ship?’” –Jay Leno

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson and David Letterman:

“Now, according to The Wall Street Journal, a new study says a parent should not be alarmed if their child tells a lie. They say it’s a natural part of development and there are three phases — adolescent lying, young adult lying, and of course, oil executive lying. That is the biggest.” –Jay Leno

“BP, Transocean and Halliburton are blaming each other for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. They are all right.” –Jay Leno

“These people make Goldman Sachs look responsible, don’t they?” –Jay Leno

“BP is going to try to stop the leak by pushing garbage into it. Oh, yeah, they haven’t screwed up the gulf enough, let’s fill it with garbage, too.” –Jay Leno

“Police in Cairo have detained an American man who arrived on a flight from JFK with two handguns, 250 bullets, swords, daggers and knives in his luggage. When they heard this, JFK screeners were like, ‘Sure he had all these things, but here’s what he didn’t have — bottled water or nail clippers.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Prison inmates in Louisiana are now pitching in to clean up the Gulf Coast oil spill. At this point, the solutions have been dump chemicals in the ocean, shoot a bunch of garbage under water and release prisoners. If none of that works, they’re going to have Al Qaeda come take a look at it.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, here’s some good news. The price of oil has dropped by $12 a barrel. I mean, why buy it when you can just scoop it out of the water, huh?” –Jay Leno

“Oh, speaking of that. If anybody needs a 100-ton concrete containment dome, there’s one on eBay for 75 bucks.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, you know, that stupid idea about using a giant concrete dome and putting it over the leak, well, that didn’t work. In fact, experts are calling this the worst use of a concrete dome since they built that stadium for the Detroit Lions.” –Jay Leno

“Congress told BP they can’t label this catastrophic failure as an unpredictable and unforeseeable occurrence. See, Congress used that excuse for not catching the financial meltdown, so now they have to come up with their own excuse.” –Jay Leno

“Greece is a relatively small country. It would be like a state over here. But it overspends, it over borrows, it promises expensive pension plans, it over-taxes, it over-regulates business. So, the state it would be here would be California.” –Jay Leno

“Well, in announcing this Elena Kagan as his nominee for the Supreme Court, President Barack Obama characterized Kagan as a ‘trailblazing leader.’ The other Democrats said she was a wise choice because she had no paper trail.” –Jay Leno

“Let me tell you about ‘The Late Show.’ It’s like a car bomb and an oil spill all in one.” –David Letterman

“Last weekend, President Obama gave an impassioned speech against technology. And then he had to stop when the teleprompter broke.” –Craig Ferguson

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians.

“Arizona has passed the strictest immigration bill in American history. A hundred people have been stopped already — and that was just in one van.” –Jay Leno

“Congress has voted against giving itself a pay raise. They thought giving themselves a pay raise now would be unpopular. I think giving them any pay at all right now is unpopular.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama’s National Security Adviser James L. Jones apologized for telling an ethnic joke at a speech. Political insiders were shocked — someone said something stupid and inappropriate and it wasn’t Joe Biden?” –Jay Leno

“George W. Bush’s memoir is coming out in November. It’s called ‘Decision Points’ and it’s about big decisions in his life. I’ve already made a decision not to read it.” –David Letterman

“Bush is working very hard on the book, making revisions. In fact, his computer screen is covered with White-Out.” –David Letterman

“They asked him if he used a ghostwriter and he said, ‘No, the guy’s still alive.’” –David Letterman

“How many people are here just because you’re hiding from the Arizona police?” –David Letterman

“Gov. Rick Perry of Texas shot a coyote while he was jogging. Who carries a gun while jogging? I can barely manage my iPod.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“During a Goldman Sachs hearing yesterday, Sen. Carl Levin used the S-word 11 times on live television when quoting an e-mail. Which begs the question — if a guy swears on C-SPAN and there’s no one watching to hear it, does he really make a sound?” –Jimmy Fallon

“Rolls-Royce is offering the Pentagon a special deal on engines for the Joint Strike Fighter jet. Not to be outdone, Toyota is offering a special deal on engines for kamikaze pilots.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The famous scientist Stephen Hawking says in a new documentary not only does he believe aliens exist, he believes we should not make contact with aliens because they could be very angry beings, especially aliens from Arizona.” –Jay Leno

“As you know, Arizona recently passed the toughest anti-immigration bill in American history. The idea behind this bill is to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona and back to their homeland of Los Angeles.” –Jay Leno

“This new law is pretty strict. You can’t use the slogan ‘what can brown do for you?’ anymore. Can’t even use that.” –Jay Leno

“The top executive of Goldman Sachs testified before Congress today, which proves crooks always return to the scene of the crime.” –Jay Leno

“So today you had lawyers, congressmen and bankers in the same room. That’s like the trifecta of lying.” –Jay Leno

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Here are the funniest jokes of the week from the late night comedians:

“Tomorrow is the day to mail in your tax returns, which means tonight is the night to start making fake receipts.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course, it’s $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Yahoo is producing a daily video series, based on its most popular news stories, in partnership with Toyota. Of course, they’re having a tough time getting the site up because it always ends up crashing.” –Jimmy Fallon

“This Friday is the deadline for mailing in your Census form. People all around the country put down how many people live in their houses — while Tiger Woods  and Jesse James put ‘kind of a tricky situation right now.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” –Craig Ferguson

“The Pentagon says that Al Qaeda is now in financial ruin. I tell you, Goldman Sachs, they screwed everybody.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, Al Qaeda should have seen it coming. You know who’s in charge of the finances? Osama ben Bernanke.” –Jay Leno

“In fact, leaders of 40 nations are in Washington this week for the nuclear summit. And the president of China was supposed to speak first. And that caused a lot of confusion when the moderator said: ‘Who’s on first?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘No, who?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘No, who?’ ‘Yes.’ And it went back and forth. It got a little confusing.” –Jay Leno

“And 89-year-old supreme court justice John Paul Stevens has announced he is retiring. He’s going to be 90 this year. In fact, the other Supreme Court justices have to keep reminding him to close his robe.” –Jay Leno

“Speaking of North Korea, I just read about a state-run comedy show in North Korea where the audience is ordered to laugh. It’s called ‘Funny or Actually Die.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Well, the big news is Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring. I mean, this won’t affect as many Americans as when Paula left ‘American Idol,’ but it’s still a big deal.” –Jay Leno

“Tiger Woods said he would try to keep his emotions under control, but after a bad swing, he used the F-word. Who does he think he is — vice president of the United States?” –Jay Leno

“In a speech, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, said ‘I am the first here to admit I’ve made mistakes.’ Then the stripper giving him a lap-dance said it will still be 20 bucks.” –Jay Leno

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Here are the best jokes from the past week by the late night comedians.

“President Obama’s daughter Sasha says that she already bought her dad’s gift. She won’t say what it is but she did say, ‘It’s something he likes.’ Which begs the question: How did an 8-year-old get her hands on a carton of Marlboro Lights?” –Conan O’Brien

“Former President Bush is writing his memoirs and he says they will focus on 12 major decisions he made in his life. The weird thing is, 11 of them were made by Dick Cheney.” –Conan O’Brien

“According to a recent report, due to the recession, Americans are eating cheap, unhealthy, fatty foods. So apparently, the recession started in 1957. –Conan O’Brien

“Traffic is bad, the holiday with the gridlock. It’s like Dick Cheney, all major arteries are clogged.” –David Letterman

“Oh, I love this — did you hear about this? Did you hear about this? Yesterday, President Obama said his wife, Michelle, decided they should not buy each other Christmas gifts this year. Mr. President, if you’re listening, it’s a trap! Listen! She doesn’t mean it. Go shopping. Let me tell you something Mr. President, if you don’t buy her a gift, you better hope health care passes.” –Jay Leno

“The wife of Al Qaeda’s second in command is now calling on women to become suicide bombers. To qualify, they must be able to push a car loaded with explosives, because, as you know, women aren’t allowed to drive over there.” –Jay Leno

“It looks like Democrats have their 60 votes for healthcare. Harry Reid said the bill will save us hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, it would have, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars we had to pay to buy the 60 votes.” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday President Obama said, ‘We can’t continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.’ Oh really — how come all those guys on Wall Street got ‘get out of jail free’ cards?” –Jay Leno

“The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’” –Jay Leno

“You know who had a great year in 2009? Wall Street bankers — they had a bailout and still get bonuses. So there’s a lesson here: In America it’s better to be a fat cat than a horny tiger.” –Jay Leno

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