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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians.  Many are still off this week but we have Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson and David Letterman:

“Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operational Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven’t we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard!” –Jay Leno

“Before President Obama’s address, he called former President George W. Bush. I’m not saying the economy is bad, but he called collect.” –Jay Leno

“I guess they had a pretty cordial conversation. President Bush said for the last 19 months, he’s been relaxing and playing golf. President Obama said, ‘You too?’” –Jay Leno

“President Obama said that too many Americans are struggling to find jobs. You know what these Americans are going to be called? Democrats.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama said he can’t walk around with his birth certificate plastered on his forehead. Apparently he was reacting to new polls that show 1 in 5 Kenyans now believe he was born in Hawaii.” –Jay Leno

“Congress is very upset with Roger Clemens because they feel like they were lied to. Good! Now they know how we feel.” –Jay Leno

“I just got back from vacation. I went on vacation the same time as President Obama. We both had to get away from it all and not do anything of significance. And now we are back and still not doing anything of significance.” –Craig Ferguson

David Letterman’s “Top Ten Things Never Before Said In An Oval Office Address”

10. “Gotta keep this short because I’m going on another vacation”
9. “Watch how fast I can spin in my chair . . . Wee!”
8. “Who wants Justin Bieber tickets?”
7. “Tonight’s Oval Office address has been brought to you by Jimmy Dean Pure Pork Sausages”
6. “Kneel before General Zod!”
5. “Now I’d like to share a poignant story about Frank Sinatra”
4. “Earlier today I met with Vice President, Secretary of State, and Late Show audio technician Tom Herrmann”
3. “CAA sent over lunch. There are steaks and sandwiches in the conference room”
2. “Just back from a pleasure trip — took my mother-in-law to the airport. Hiyo!”
1. “Just like most of America, I’d rather be watching ‘Glee’”

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Most of the late night shows were in reruns this week so except for the first few jokes from David Letterman from this week the rest are some funny jokes I picked out from the last few months:

“President Obama is on vacation. This is his sixth vacation. He’ll have plenty of time for vacation when his one term is up.” –David Letterman

“They’re vacationing at the beach. He’s down there with Snooki, Jwoww, the The Situation.” –David Letterman

“President Obama could not wait to get on vacation. As soon as the plane landed, he grabbed a couple beers and slid down the emergency slide.” –David Letterman

”Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The current mayor said Levi Johnston should get his high school diploma and keep his clothes on if he wants to win. And then Levi was like, ‘Dude, he just told me how to win. What an idiot.”’—Jimmy Fallon

”Due to an explosive interview in Rolling Stone magazine, our top commander in Afghanistan, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, has been ordered home to explain why he criticized the president, made fun of Joe Biden, and called the White House staff a bunch of clowns. He should be called home. That’s not the general’s job. That is my job.” —Jay Leno

”On Monday, British Petroleum promised to pay all necessary cleanup costs for this oil spill. And they said they will do it, no matter how much they have to raise gas prices.” —Jay Leno

”In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I’m such an idiot they now want me to run the network.” —Conan O’Brien

”There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.” —Craig Ferguson

”It’s a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she’ll probably quit after a year.” —Craig Ferguson

”I understand it’s not going to be a traditional wedding. Rumor is that Bristol asked Levi to wear his camouflage hunting vest. Which would be the closest he’s ever come to wearing protection of any kind.” —Jay Leno, on Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston’s wedding

”It’s not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.” —Jon Stewart

”During his acceptance speech, newly elected Senator Scott Brown told the crowd that his two daughters are both available. Man, so many great American speeches, right? ‘Four score and seven years ago,’ ‘Ask not what your country can do for you,’ ‘I have a dream,’ and now, ‘My daughters are both available.”’ —Jimmy Fallon

”BP’s company newsletter has an article that says most Gulf residents aren’t upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy. BP taking credit for boosting the economy in the Gulf is like al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security.” —Jimmy Kimmel

”What a week in Washington. They passed health care, they’re talking about immigration reform, it looks like they’ve ended ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’ and they’re legalizing marijuana. Let me tell you something, if you’re a gay drug dealer from Mexico who snuck across the border for free health care so you could join the Navy, this is the greatest year of your life.” —Jay Leno

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon,Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel.

“After three weeks of jury deliberations, Rod Blagojevich was convicted yesterday on only one of the 24 counts against him. The one count he was convicted for? Transporting illegally silky hair across state lines.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“He could get up to five years, though that’s very unlikely. He’ll probably do somewhere between Lindsay Lohan and Lil Wayne.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Can you imagine Rod Blagojevich in a prison jumpsuit? He’d look like a traffic cone with a Koosh ball on top.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“According to the Wall Street Journal, there is a growing movement among Democrats to replace Joe Biden as VP with Hillary Clinton in 2012. Do you realize that if that happens, for the first time Hillary will be directly under a president.” –Jay Leno

“Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have reaching a custody agreement. Neither of them is allowed to say anything bad about the other parent or the other parent’s family in front of Tripp. So basically nobody is allowed to speak in front of Tripp.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Fertility clinics in England say they are facing a nationwide donor shortage and are looking for international sperm donors. Finally a job Levi Johnston is actually qualified for.” –Jay Leno

“According to U.S. and Iraqi commanders, if the U.S. pulls out of Iraq, their borders will be vulnerable and they won’t be able to stop anyone from entering their country. Well, join the club.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama may be willing to meet with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. How does that make the governor of Arizona feel? The president won’t meet with her, but a four-foot tall Holocaust-denier in a Members Only jacket? No problem.” –Jay Leno

“The White House is defending President Obama’s sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need.” –Jay Leno

“The economy is so bad, the Obamas are thinking about taking their next vacation in the United States.” –Jay Leno

“In ‘The Expendables,’ Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger beat up Sylvester Stallone for convincing them to invest in Planet Hollywood.” –Craig Ferguson

“Schwarzenegger was only in the movie for five minutes, but during that five minutes, he achieved more than in all his years as governor.” –Craig Ferguson

“When Schwarzenegger heard the title ‘The Expendables,’ he thought it was in reference to California’s teachers.” –Craig Ferguson

“Al-Jazeera’s English-speaking channel was nominated for an International Emmy. On the red carpet, Joan Rivers will be like, ‘Who are you wearing? And why is it ticking?’” –Jimmy Fallon

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Joe Biden has set himself up to be the best source of Vice-Presidential comedy writing material since Dan Quayle so here are some Biden jokes from late night since he’s been in office:

“Sir Paul McCartney played at the White House last night. He dedicated the Beatles song ‘Michelle’ to the First Lady. Isn’t that lovely? And then for Joe Biden, he played ‘Fool on the Hill.’” –Craig Ferguson

“Joe Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President’s top secret bunker. The guy can’t help it. But he did apologize. He said, ‘I am so sorry for the mistake. The launch code is 85334. It will never happen again. It will never happen again. My Gmail password is robot23. What am I doing? The house key is under the plant near the doorstep.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Vice President Joe Biden is on a trip to Bosnia, Serbia, and Kosovo. The White House is calling it ‘Operation Keep Biden Away From the Microphones.’” –Jay Leno

“Here’s something that I am very excited about. Joe Biden, the current vice president, was yakking away over the weekend. And he — remember when Dick Cheney was in an undisclosed location and everybody thought: Where? So supposedly top secret information, classified information. And Joe Biden just says, ‘No, I know where he was. He was hiding under his house. Joe Biden is living proof that people can give up sensitive information without being tortured.’” –David Letterman

“At the Gridiron Dinner, Joe Biden started talking and accidentally revealed Dick Cheney’s secret hiding place. See, there’s more proof you don’t need waterboarding to get secret information. Just give Joe Biden a couple of drinks….This is part of our new plan. It’s called ‘Don’t Ask, We’ll Tell.’” –Jay Leno

“There was a private screening of ‘Star Trek’ at the White House over the weekend. And President Obama said he really liked the film. The best thing about private screenings, because we get to do them – it’s not like seeing it with the public, you know, where there might be some moron talking through the whole movie. In fact, that’s why they didn’t tell Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“Oh, man, Biden did it again. God may have taken away Bush, but by golly, he gave us Joe Biden. You see this today? Joe Biden was on the ‘Today’ show, and he said he would tell his family members not to take any commercial flights and don’t ride in any subway cars because of this swine flu. You know, I don’t think Joe Biden’s going to catch swine flu, but it’s pretty obvious he has a case of foot-in-mouth disease.” –Jay Leno

“Vice President Joe Biden said on the ‘Today’ show that the subways in New York City are not safe because of swine flu. Hey Joe, listen to this – the subways weren’t safe before swine flu.” –David Letterman

“Oh, on Friday, President Obama was taken to a secure location in the White House after a single engine plane strayed over White House air space. As a precaution, they took the President to a place in the White House nobody even knew existed — Joe Biden’s office.” –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden is Barack Obama’s running mate. Yeah, nothing says change like a guy who’s been in the Senate for 35 years.” –David Letterman

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Craig Ferguson:

“Everyone is talking about Steven Slater, the flight attendant who cursed at a passenger, grabbed two beers, and slid down the escape slide, in what may be the best resignation ever. In fact he’s so good at quitting, they’re thinking about making him the next governor of Alaska.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“It could be the first time in history that someone has been arrested for going down an inflatable slide.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“The Mexican Supreme Court ruled that all Mexican states must recognize same-sex marriages registered in Mexico City. So men can now marry in Mexico, but they still can’t honeymoon in Arizona.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The current mayor said Levi Johnston should get his high school diploma and keep his clothes on if he wants to win. And then Levi was like, ‘Dude, he just told me how to win. What an idiot.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“If anyone is looking for a job, there’s an opening for a flight attendant at JetBlue. … Steven Slater, the famous JetBlue flight attendant, dropped so many F-bombs on that plane that he got a thumbs up from Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“The New Orleans Saints visited the White House. They presented President Obama with a Saints jersey with the number 44, in honor of his approval rating.” –Jay Leno

“Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand because she didn’t have a license. Officials haven’t issued a statement yet. They’re busy popping balloon animals and stomping on sand castles.” –Craig Ferguson

“A JetBlue flight attendant cursed out passengers, grabbed two beers, slid down the chute and took off. The pilots were furious. Those were their last two beers.” –Jay Leno

“This flight attendant really went crazy. The good news: terrorists are now afraid to fly.” –Jay Leno

“The New Orleans Saints visited the White House yesterday. That’s an interesting switch, people from New Orleans visiting a disaster area.” –Jay Leno

“Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he’ll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama announced this month that he created 70,000 new jobs. The bad news is, they are all vacation planners for him and his family.” –Jay Leno

“The U.S. Postal Service reported a $3.5 billion loss in the last quarter, which established it as the federal government’s most successful enterprise.” –Jay Leno

“Plans are being finalized for Mexico’s bicentennial. On Sept. 15, over 70 million Mexicans will celebrate, and that’s just in Los Angeles.” –Jay Leno

“Levi Johnston is planning to run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. He really is trying as hard as he can to get shot by Sarah Palin, isn’t he?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mel Gibson’s father is speaking out, claiming that the Pope is a homosexual. It might be a good time for the whole Gibson family to go to a monastery and take a vow of silence.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel:

“A federal judge overturned Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in California, which came as great news for both gays and wedding planners. Although that might be redundant.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Happy birthday to President Obama. If you want to get him a present, he’s registered at Bed, Bath, and Blame Bush.” –Jay Leno

“They got him a huge cake. He didn’t blow out the candles, he just taxed them until they gave up and went out on their own.” –Jay Leno

“A California judge has overruled California’s ban on gay marriage. Finally gay men can marry someone other than Liza Minelli. … Wedding planners can now plan their own weddings.” –Jay Leno

“Just a few weeks after they announced their engagement, Bristol Palin claims that she has officially broken things off with Levi Johnston after he told her he may have gotten another woman pregnant. That’s always the deal breaker, isn’t it? Apparently they agreed to be abstinent until they were married, Levi just thought it meant with Bristol.” –Jay Leno

“How can we pull 130,000 men out of Iraq when we can’t even get Levi to pull out of his own girlfriend.” –Jay Leno

“The price of coffee has surged to a 12-year high. It’s getting so expensive that BP is thinking about spilling some.” –Jay Leno

“Congressman Charlie Rangel and Congresswoman Maxine Waters met this to work out their new number one issue: prison reform.” –Jay Leno

“Congressman Rangel has been accused of 13 ethics violations, or as they call it in Washington, fundraising.” –Jay Leno

“Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have apparently broken up again, less than a month after announcing their engagement. Bristol called it off faster than you can say, ‘Mom, put the gun down.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“I think with the right amount of love, patience, and a 12-episode guarantee from a reality show on VH1, those two can end up engaged again one day.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Sarah Palin today said she has mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she was never a big fan of Levi in the first place, but on the other hand, she had already shot the polar bear to make her daughter’s wedding dress.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“It was announced that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have broken up. These two have called it quits more times than Brett Favre.” –Jay Leno

“Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what’s left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere.” –Jay Leno

“Experts in the Gulf of Mexico say they are having trouble finding the oil and they think it’s under water. They don’t call them experts for nothing. ” –David Letterman

“President Obama announced his plan to remove all combat troops from Iraq by the end of August. So thank you to all the men and women serving in Iraq and ‘Good luck in Afghanistan!’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Do you know that $8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq? I didn’t even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there.” –Jay Leno

“Three convicted murderers escaped from a prison in Arizona. The governor told the people, ‘Don’t worry, all three murderers are American citizens.’” –Jay Leno

“Us magazine is reporting that Levi Johnston wants to get a GED. Or whatever they call that thing women use to not get pregnant.” –Jay Leno

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Here are the very best jokes from this week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel:

“President Obama is going on ‘The View’ to talk about the economy. Later on, he’ll go to ‘General Hospital’ to explain to doctors how the new healthcare system works.” –Jay Leno

“With Arizona’s new immigration law getting ready to kick in, there’s a new slogan: ‘What happens in Arizona stays in Mexico.’” –Jay Leno

“Congress’ approval rating has hit an all-time low of 11 percent. To give you an idea of how bad that is, the BP oil spill is at 12 percent.” –Jay Leno

“Continental announced a new feature called ’self boarding.’ There’s no ticket agent taking your boarding pass anymore, and you scan it yourself as you board the plane. It’s part of Continental’s ‘Terrorists Fly Hassel-free’ program.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is in town for an appearance on ‘The View.’ He probably won’t get a word in edgewise, but he said he’s used to it. He lives with his mother-in-law.” –David Letterman

“A guy in New York robbed a bank wearing clown pants, a wig, and a bra. I thought to myself, This could be a thousand guys living in the Village.” –David Letterman

“Elmhurst, Ind. wants to make it illegal to roll your eyes in public. But what if Rod Blagojevich comes to town and declares his innocence?” –David Letterman

“A federal judge has blocked Arizona’s immigration law. Immigrants have been celebrating and throwing confetti. The governor of Arizona said, ‘Sure, now they’re showing us their papers.’” –Craig Ferguson

“BP CEO Tony Hayward complained that he was unfairly ‘demonized’ in the U.S. over his handling of the Gulf oil spill. In response, demons complained that they were unfairly compared to BP CEO Tony Hayward.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is lashing out at Paul the Octopus, who predicted winners in the World Cup. Ahmadinejad said the octopus represents what’s wrong with the West. I guess he’s never seen ‘Jersey Shore.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“He said Paul the Octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay in the Western world. You have to lose some dictator credibility when you pick a fight with an octopus.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama’s new message to the American people is ‘things could be a lot worse.’ We’ve gone from ‘change you can believe in’ to ‘things could be a lot worse.’ The sequel is never as good as the original.” –Jay Leno

“BP announced that as a result of their own internal investigation, it has cleared itself of all blame in the Gulf oil spill. In a related story, Congressman Charlie Rangel has announced that he will be investigating himself and will find himself completely innocent.” –Jay Leno

“An American named Bob Dudley is BP’s new CEO. Nice to see an American taking a job from a foreigner for once.” –Jay Leno

“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said this week that ‘Jersey Shore’ is giving New Jersey a bad name. As opposed to the good, clean, inspirational shows about New Jersey, like ‘The Sopranos.’” –Jay Leno

“Paris Hilton is in hot water for a picture in which she looks like she’s doing a Nazi salute. Let’s be honest, Paris Hilton has no idea what a Nazi salute is. She probably thinks Nazi is a game you play with dice.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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Here are some more jokes about President Obama from the late night comedians spanning his year and a half in office.  He seems to be an endless source of comedy (and sorrow, depending on how you look at it.)

“Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State.” –Jay Leno

“Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers’ money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes.” –Conan O’Brien

“And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, ‘Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.’” –Jay Leno

“President-elect Barack Obama had his first day in Washington. Obama said he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago for Washington D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Governor Blagojevich sold his house.” –Jay Leno

“Shocking news out of Illinois today. Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on corruption charges, including the allegation that he was selling Barack Obama’s vacant senate seat. Now, I personally am surprised Obama even needed a seat. I thought he just levitated.” –Stephen Colbert

“Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was ‘going to get worse before it gets better.’ See, that’s when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? ‘The audacity of hope!’ ‘Yes, we can!’ ‘A change we can believe in!’ Now it’s, ‘We’re all screwed.’” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama plans to issue an executive order on his first full day in office, directing the closing of Guantanamo Bay. He said he needs the money for new prisons to hold Democratic mayors and governors.” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he’s got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.” –David Letterman

“People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt.” –David Letterman

“Obama is getting his mojo back. Apparently, he’s going to get this financial package. That’s right, the financial package is going through. He got healthcare. He got that nuclear weapons treaty… He’s on a roll and he’s taunting his critics. His new slogan is, ‘Change You Can Suck On.’” —Bill Maher

“A year into Obama’s first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, “Well, technically that is change.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it’ll be cleaned up by future generations.” –Jay Leno

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Mel Gibson has made himself a hot topic as of late and here are some jokes from the late night comedians about what had made him a hot topic over the last few years…hint, it has not been his acting.

“There’s now a 48-hour cease-fire going on in the Middle East. Israel will stop attacking Hezbollah. But, Hezbollah will not necessarily agree to stop attacking Israel. Hey, we can’t even get Mel Gibson to stop attacking Israel.” –Jay Leno

“Mel Gibson apologized to the Jewish community for anti-Semitic remarks he made when he was drunk. Yeah, then Gibson apologized to Catholics for not being able to hold his liquor.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mr. Gibson announced today that he will be entering rehab — the Betty Ford Center for his alcoholism, and I believe the Henry Ford Center For Anti-Semitism.” –Jon Stewart

“As you may have heard, Mel Gibson was arrested in Malibu on a DUI. I don’t know what he was drinking but I think you can rule out Manischewitz.” –Jay Leno

“The sheriff said that Mel’s blood alcohol was .12. Give you an idea how high that is, half a point higher and he would officially be a Kennedy.” –Jay Leno

“They said on the news that if he is convicted he could face up to 14 days in the ‘Thunderdome.’” –Jay Leno

“Police said today that they found a bottle of tequila in Mel’s Lexus. So let’s sum up what happened here; Mel Gibson, who grew up in Australia, was drinking alcohol from Mexico in his Japanese car while yelling about the Jews in Israel. You know where he was coming from? A Thai restaurant. Welcome to America.” –Jay Leno

“Condoleezza Rice has been extremely busy this week, shuttling back and forth between Israel and Mel Gibson’s house.” –Jay Leno

“There are people already trying to capitalize on the Mel Gibson Jewish controversy. In fact a DVD of the arrest just came out. It’s called ‘Goys Gone Wild.’” –Jay Leno

“There’s some controvery about Mel Gibson’s for a DUI in Malibu. They think he may have gotten special treatment. There’s a police report that says instead of handcuffing him like they usually do, the arresting officer opened the door and asked Mel nicely to step in. I think right about now, Rodney King is going, ‘I should have been an actor!’” –Jay Leno

“Mel Gibson learned his lesson. He said it’s the last time he tries to outdrink Lindsay Lohan.” –Jay Leno

“A lot of people are mad at Mel Gibson. Yesterday on The View, Barbara Walters said because of his anti-Semitic remarks, she will never see a Mel Gibson movie again. Yeah, Walters said, as far as I’m concerned, he’s Star Jones to me” –Conan O’Brien

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More and more Al Gore is a politician who has earned the right to be the butt of jokes.  So, here are some from the late night comedians over the last few years:

“There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.” –Craig Ferguson

“You guys heard about Al Gore and Tipper splitting up? Everybody is talking about it. Everyone’s blogging about this, and now there are reports online that his daughter and her husband are splitting up. I bet this is the one week where Al Gore wishes he didn’t invent the Internet.” –Jimmy Fallon

“After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man’s carbon footprints.” –Bill Maher

“They could tell he was lonely as of late because when he’d hug a tree, he’d linger.” –Bill Maher, on Al Gore

“Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling.” –David Letterman

“Were you sad to learn that Al Gore and his wife, Tipper are splitting up— I was. I was a little sad about that. Yeah, according to the report, the two are ’separating amicably after a long process of careful consideration.’ You know, even his divorce is boring.” –Jay Leno

“Would you have ever guessed that Bill and Hillary would turn out to be Washington’s happiest married couple?” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday Al Gore told members of Congress ‘that the planet has a fever and it needs a doctor.’ When the congressmen heard this, they asked Gore, ‘You won an Oscar for this?’” –Conan O’Brien

“Al Gore told Congress that global warming shouldn’t be a political issue, it should be a moral issue. And Congress went, ‘A moral issue? What’s that?’” –Jay Leno

“Congratulations to Al Gore. His movie won an Oscar. Today it got reversed by the Supreme Court. … Al Gore announced last night that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It’s always had a green theme — money and envy.” –Jay Leno

“The big winner of the night was global warming. Everyone jumped on the hybrid bandwagon. But if you ask me, any lowering of emissions they achieved with the limos was canceled out by the amount of smoke they blew up Al Gore’s ass.” –Stephen Colbert

“If any of you at home are wondering about the former vice president’s seeming largess, I will have you know, he has not gained weight. He is so passionate about saving this Earth, he is trying not to exhale. … Here’s an inconvenient truth: cake isn’t a food group” –Jon Stewart

“You all ready for the Oscars? … Al Gore is expected to win for his documentary on global warming. I hope he … includes President Bush in the acceptance speech. I mean, without President Bush, we probably wouldn’t have a lot of this global warming.” –Jay Leno

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