The Best of This Week’s Late Night Jokes
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 25-09-2009
Tags: jokes from Craig Ferguson, jokes from David Letterman, jokes from Jimmy Fallon, jokes from late night comedians, Jokes from Leno, jokes fron Conan O'brien
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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians:
“And then the Iranian dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a hate speech and I thought to myself, where’s that ‘you lie’ guy when you need him?” –David Letterman
“Did you hear what former President Bill Clinton said? In a new book that’s coming out, former President Bill Clinton said he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky because he, quote, ‘cracked under pressure.’ When asked what he’s doing this weekend, Clinton replied, ‘Cracking under pressure.’” –Conan O’Brien
“And Libyan leader Moammar Qaddafi-duck, this moron, was at the U.N. today. He talked forever. He talked on Israel and the swine flu and the JFK assassination. Where was Kanye West to grab the microphone away?” –Jay Leno
And Libyan leader Moammar Qaddafi-duck, this moron, was at the U.N. today. He talked forever. He talked on Israel and the swine flu and the JFK assassination. Where was Kanye West to grab the microphone away?” –Jay Leno
“But tomorrow, President Obama will be the first president to chair the U.N. Security Council. That’s pretty cool. Meanwhile, Joe Biden became the first vice president to spend six hours in a Brookstone massage chair.” –Jimmy Fallon
“But tomorrow, President Obama will be the first president to chair the U.N. Security Council. That’s pretty cool. Meanwhile, Joe Biden became the first vice president to spend six hours in a Brookstone massage chair.” –Jimmy Fallon
“A pharmaceutical company is developing a microchip to be implanted in patients’ shoulders that remind them to take their medication. That’s just what crazy people on drugs need, right, a voice talking to them out of their shoulder?” –Jimmy Fallon
“Actually, you might have noticed, the fall season, begun a little different this year. Even squirrels are kind of distancing themselves from Acorn. Have you noticed that?” –Jay Leno
“Well, you know what’s interesting? Because of all these scandals, the executive director of Acorn, a woman named Bertha Lewis, said Acorn will fire any employees ‘too stupid to understand they are not reaching professional standards.’ Why can’t we get this rule for Congress?” –Jay Leno
“Did you see President Obama on ‘Letterman’ last night? It was very funny. I especially liked the segment, ‘Stupid Biden Tricks.’” –Craig Ferguson
“Did you see President Obama on ‘Letterman’ last night? It was very funny. I especially liked the segment, ‘Stupid Biden Tricks.’” –Craig Ferguson
David Letterman’s Top 10 Reasons Obama Agreed to Appear on the ‘Late Show’
10. Heard the lady with the heart-shaped potato was gonna be here.
9. Thought it would be fun to watch someone else get heckled.
8. Something to do with that whole Cash For Clunkers deal.
7. Every president since Teddy Roosevelt has done it.
6. Someone offers you 600 bucks, you take it ladies and gentlemen.
5. We told him Megan Fox would be here.
4. Needed some time to hang out before check-in time at his hotel.
3. I have no idea.
2. Said yes, without thinking, like Bush did with Iraq.
1. Wanted to congratulate Dave on the big Emmy win.
