I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and I was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.

A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.

Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

[Introducing the best adapted screenplay]
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87.
– (at the 2003 Oscars®)

What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be democrats…or skinny.
– (at the 2003 Oscars®)

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

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