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Here are some more jokes about President Obama from the late night comedians spanning his year and a half in office.  He seems to be an endless source of comedy (and sorrow, depending on how you look at it.)

“Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State.” –Jay Leno

“Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers’ money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes.” –Conan O’Brien

“And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, ‘Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.’” –Jay Leno

“President-elect Barack Obama had his first day in Washington. Obama said he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago for Washington D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Governor Blagojevich sold his house.” –Jay Leno

“Shocking news out of Illinois today. Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on corruption charges, including the allegation that he was selling Barack Obama’s vacant senate seat. Now, I personally am surprised Obama even needed a seat. I thought he just levitated.” –Stephen Colbert

“Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was ‘going to get worse before it gets better.’ See, that’s when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? ‘The audacity of hope!’ ‘Yes, we can!’ ‘A change we can believe in!’ Now it’s, ‘We’re all screwed.’” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama plans to issue an executive order on his first full day in office, directing the closing of Guantanamo Bay. He said he needs the money for new prisons to hold Democratic mayors and governors.” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he’s got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.” –David Letterman

“People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt.” –David Letterman

“Obama is getting his mojo back. Apparently, he’s going to get this financial package. That’s right, the financial package is going through. He got healthcare. He got that nuclear weapons treaty… He’s on a roll and he’s taunting his critics. His new slogan is, ‘Change You Can Suck On.’” —Bill Maher

“A year into Obama’s first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, “Well, technically that is change.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it’ll be cleaned up by future generations.” –Jay Leno

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Parents, if your child breaks something around the house like a window, for example, don’t be too concerned about his future just because he doesn’t seem to want to take any responsibility for it.  There’s a very strong possibility he has a future as an executive at a large multi-national corporation like BP, Transocean, or Halliburton.  If that doesn’t work out he or she can always run for Congress.

If that’s not extreme enough for you then maybe your child may even have presidential aspirations, after all, anything that goes wrong for President Obama is clearly President Bush’s fault.  Even if history rates Obama as the worst president ever he will be saying it’s because Bush was the worst up to that point.

If Obama was confronted by someone using the famous line by Jack Nicholson in the movie “A few Good Men” saying about his presidency, “You can’t handle the truth.”  I’m sure he would immediately break out his teleprompter and go into a beautiful soliloquy about the truth and what it meant to hope and change for this great country.  And then he would go on 42 different TV news and entertainment shows to talk about what the truth meant to us all until everyone forgot about the original accusation made to him about truth.  And by the time he was done with it truth would have a new definition just like “Hope” and “Change” does now.  Now that I think of it he may have taken lessons from Clinton.  During his impeachment proceedings sexual relations and oral sex had no interrelating definitions by the time he was done.

Now when you talk about responsibility and Congress you are really referring to two subjects that have no correlation to each other.  Here is a conversation between an interviewer and a congressman discussing responsibility:

Interviewer:  What do you think of this whole oil spill mess?

Congressman:  Well, I know one thing for sure.  I had nothing to do with it.  But rest assured Congress will get to the bottom of this.

Interviewer:  That’s an interesting statement.  What do you mean by that?

Congressman:  I mean we’ll have someone to blame.

Interviewer:  But what will that solve?

Congressman:  Nothing really, but it sure keeps the heat off of us in Congress.  I have to tell you that was a little uncomfortable for us during the Healthcare thing.

Interviewer:  But now because of what you did all of us citizens will suffer for a long time. (Editor’s note:  This interviewer obviously does not work for anyone but FOX…and proudly.)

Congressman:  (Clears his throat)  Well….I’m sure if there was any wrong doing on our part our ethics committee will look into it.  (Editor’s note again:  An ethics committee in Congress is like having a vacuum cleaner in a pig sty.)

Interviewer:  That is an interesting note.  On that, do you in Congress ever take responsibility for anything?

Congressman:  Of course we do.  Whenever we are caught doing something illegal or immoral and there’s no way out of it we admit we did it.

Interviewer:  That’s not really what someone would call taking responsibility.

Congressman:  You obviously know absolutely nothing about politics.

There you have it folks.  So, the next time your child breaks a window or something and admits even the slightest bit of responsibility for it breath a heavy sigh of relief.  He will never be a politician.

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Here are some jokes about Obama, Obamacare, etc.  They have anonymous  authors and a lot of them have been passed around a lot but they are funny if you appreciate Obama humor.

If John McCain was a Maverick, then Barack Obama is a GMC* Pacer. (*Government Motor Company)

Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought ‘em.

Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. You took my  favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen.

The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.

Obama is looking forward to retirement, so that he’ll finally have the time to actually read his new healthcare law.

Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.

Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare instead of ObamaCares?

A. Because he doesn’t.

ObamaCare will provide taxpayers with plenty of bitter pills.

Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let’s hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion.

Q. If the Obama administration was a football division, what would the teams be called?

A. The Stealers, the Bills, the Chargers and the Lyings.

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn’t get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn’t leave, so the farmer explained to him, “Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.” Obama angrily replied, “Hey, are you saying that I’m a horse’s ass?” The farmer answered, “No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse’s ass. It’s hard to fool them flies though.”

Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day?
A. It keeps your doctor away.

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I was already having a tough week and then it was capped off with a near death experience, or at least one that made me almost want to kill myself – going to the DMV to get my license renewed.

Now I really have an understanding of why people always look so bad on their driver’s license pictures after having to endure the torture chamber that is the DMV.

First, I had to wait in a line just to get in the building which meant standing in the hot Las Vegas sun.  That would account for the radiating glow on my face in the picture.  Or maybe I should, more accurately, call it a radiation glow from the sun.

What made the wait in the line even more intimidating was the fact that I saw people going into the building, since the line did move, even if at a snail’s pace, but I hardly saw anyone coming out.  It made me wonder what was happening in there.  I figured there was some kind of government conspiracy going on where they drug and hypnotize you and tell you won’t remember this.  Then they tell you taxes are good, Obamacare is good, Cap and trade is good.  Hmm…now that I think of it, I don’t remember any of that happening so maybe it was just the drugs and hypnosis working.  But, luckily, if that did happen it didn’t work well because I think those ideas are more stupid than ever…Again, hmm…very interesting.

Once you do get into the building you are herded like cattle to numerous lines and made to fill out various forms in triplicate, etc.  I’m not sure where the drugs and hypnotism came in but that just validates the theory because they tell you won’t remember.

Up until a few days before I went they were making you show your birth certificate and two forms of ID that show your residence so the federal government can better keep track of you.  Luckily that is not now being required, at least for the time being.  I asked a lady there why they stopped doing that.  She told me in a very cryptic voice, “We decided we don’t need it.  We already know how to find you.”

After my stomach stopped churning from that comment I got to sit and wait, which was only a slight improvement from standing and waiting.  Fortunately, I had the foresight to pack a lunch and bring a pillow.  They didn’t really mind that because it kept me from complaining but what they frowned upon was when I wanted to change into a fresh set of clothing after my nap.  That brought a visit from the security guards.

The ultimate insult is at the end of this entire day–killing incident is that you have to pay them to get your license and complete the torture.  That’s like changing your baby’s diapers and you know they are just going to crap in them again anyway.  Okay, not the best analogy, but the crap part rings true here.

I must say it was quite a relief to know I won’t have to go back there for another eight years, at which time I will need to get a new picture taken for my license.  That is unless they tell me to come back in 4 years because the drugs and hypnotism have worn off too soon.  Not that I remember it…hmm.

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Since I knew I was getting an income tax refund this year I filed my taxes early.  In the true form of the IRS they screwed up.  But this time they messed up in reverse and paid me more money than I was supposed to get.  So now they want that extra money back.  In the letter requesting the money they paraphrased our Vice President and said, “This is a big f——g deal if you don’t send our money back.”

Okay, they didn’t actually say that.  But they did say I have ten days to return it or they’ll charge interest.  What I haven’t told them yet is that I’m going to charge them a 25% holding fee for watching out for their money for them, another 25% early withdrawal from my account fee, another 25% nuisance fee, and , lastly, a 25% “big f—–g deal” fee ( aka, f–k- up fee.)  So, I will write them back with that note and say, “Call it even?”

I was “thrilled” to find out that the IRS is going to be entrusted (this is probably the first time entrusted and IRS was ever used in the same sentence) with enforcing the financial parts of the new healthcare bill that team Obama has thrust upon us.  It’s not enough that they’ve screwed up our finances for so many years now they are going to screw up our health as well.  And how many heart attacks will it cause when people see a letter in their mailbox from the IRS about healthcare?   But it’s okay, because it’ll be covered.

As a side note, I have to comment on Joe Biden and his infamous quote this past week.  That had to be the ultimate kiss up, brown nosing, ass kissingest thing I have ever seen.  Did he think Obama didn’t know it was significant that he had to whisper it in his ear after he introduced him.  Does he think Obama can fire him?  It’s not like it matters if Obama kicks him off the ticket in 2012, he’s not getting re-elected anyway.  But even if they are both out of work then they will still have healthcare…oops! That will be repealed too.  (Excuse that rant of mine.  That was just a side benefit I get from writing the article.)

Back to the IRS.  If my plan noted above doesn’t work out I already have my telephone conversation with them all mocked up:

IRS Agent:   Mr. Yeich, we got your note but you’re still going to have to pay us back.

Me:  Sorry, I already spent it on my healthcare insurance.

IRS Agent:   Yeah.  We still want our money.

Me:  How about if I just walk around the neighborhood and give one dollar to every family until the money runs out.  Our current administration wants to spread the wealth anyway, doesn’t it?  This just leave out the middle man.

IRS Agent:  Mr. Yeich, you don’t seem to get the severity of the situation.

(This is where I borrow a line from Anthony Hopkins, in “Silence of the Lambs”, paraphrased slightly to suit my needs here)

Me:  (Coldly) An IRS Agent tried to test me once.  I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

IRS Agent:  (Nervously)  Let’s just forget about this silly money.  Have a nice day.

Okay, I admit the conversation probably won’t go that way and I’ll just quietly pay the money back, but a guy can fantasize, can’t he?

As a disclaimer, I’d like to say that all of the above was for entertainment purposes (mostly mine) and that I have the utmost respect for the all of the IRS and, in fact, all government agents.  (All IRS and other government agents please ignore the loud laughter you hear in the background, that’s me laughing at the disclaimer…Geez, it’s not a big f—–g deal.)

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Here are some of the best of the jokes from the late night comedians this week.

“Well, here’s a story that won’t go away. Congressman Joe Wilson has refused Democrats’ demand to apologize to Congress on the House floor, to which Kanye West  said, ‘I’ll do it. That’s okay, I’ll do it.” –Jay Leno

“Wait, have you heard about this? Oh, I love this. They have new House rules saying members of Congress cannot call the President a liar. They cannot call him a hypocrite. They cannot say he is dishonest. Today, President Bush  said, ‘Hey, where were these rules when I was President?’” –Jay Leno

“Hey, if they start banning hypocrites and liars from the floor of Congress, there won’t be anybody in the building.” –Jay Leno

“Of course, you know President Obama  yesterday created quite a stir, because he apparently called Kanye West a jackass. Yeah, well, some people are now upset with President Obama for calling Kanye a jackass. They’re upset about it. Yeah, and Joe Biden is furious, because ‘Jackass’ is his Secret Service code name.’” –Conan O’Brien

“In Connecticut — this is weird — one of the Republican candidates running for Congress is the former CEO of the W.W.E. wrestling organization, which could be good. Congressmen will be less likely to scream out, ‘You lie!’ if they could get hit with a folding chair.” –Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, former President Jimmy Carter said that Congressman Joe Wilson’s outburst during President Obama’s speech last week was based on racism. When Joe Wilson heard that, he said, ‘I can’t get mad at Jimmy Carter. He’s white.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Joe Wilson is now the only United States congressman to be formally rebuked for speaking out while the President was giving an address. That could explain his Secret Service codename, ‘Kanye.’” –Jimmy Fallon

‘Yesterday, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said it is ‘very likely’ that the recession is over. I hope this isn’t like when President Bush told us the war in Iraq was over.’ –Jimmy Kimmel

“They always do this when there’s a holiday, whenever people want something. The latest rumor is there may be a pumpkin shortage this year. They say a chilly, damp summer in the Midwest and Northeast has hurt the pumpkin crop. They say large pumpkins are going to be hard to find. Isn’t that unbelievable? I mean, our pumpkins are getting smaller and thinner, and our trick-or-treaters are getting bigger and fatter.” –Jay Leno

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When a person applies for a job within a government organization are they asked the question “If you are not stupid, slow, and incompetent, are you at least willing to act that way while on the job?”

The exception, of course, would be the IRS.  I would never want to pick on IRS employees, and this is not for fear of retribution.  The IRS is well known for their fair mindedness and being the farthest from a vindictive organization.  So, in the interest of fairness I won’t say that a typical IRS employee uses less judgment than a dog owner letting Michael Vick dog-sit their pit bull puppy.  Nor would I say that getting actual help on your taxes when you call the IRS 800 number is about as likely to happen as  getting Obama to veto a spending  bill.  And, lastly, I would never say that opening up to an IRS agent would make me feel about as safe as being a bottle of scotch in Ted Kennedy’s liquor cabinet.

Clearly, I would never say any of those things.  And even more clearly, let me state, emphatically, that I have never even fudged a little bit on my taxes and , in fact, generally overpay the IRS just because I think so highly of them as a group of esteemed individuals.

That said, let’s move on from the IRS and pick on other government employees instead.

If you want to have more fun than anticipating AND experiencing your next prostate exam go stand in line at a typical government organization.  Then try not to get ticked off as the line continues to get longer and then the worker in your line puts a closed sign in their window because it’s time for their break.  Suddenly the frustration builds and you begin to actually appreciate those city workers you see leaning on their shovels every time you drive by.

Of course, no discussion of government employees who are inept, inconsiderate, incompetent, idiotic, deficient, improper, inefficient, unqualified, inane, (hold on let me get my thesaurus) immoral, inaccurate, erroneous, bloated, inexcusable, and just plain stupid – oh darn, I went and gave it away – naturally, by now you know that I am talking about Congress.  Yes, they are government employees even though they like to believe we work for them.  When you think about who makes the laws in our country it kind of makes it easier to understand why Medicare covers Viagra, if you get my meaning.

I saw in the paper the other day that Harry  Reid said the Republicans are slowing things down on getting legislation passed… and he thinks this is a bad thing?  Congress NOT passing a plethora of stupid laws!!!  I think that would go down as one of the greatest things to happen to our country since the postal system replaced the Pony Express… no wait a minute… ah never mind, we’ll give the USPS the benefit of the doubt on that one.

When you consider the majority of the men and women in Congress were attorneys before they got into government it sheds some light on that subject, doesn’t it?  With apologies to Mathew Perry’s Chandler character on “Friends”, “could there BE two more hated professions?” Not unless you want to mix in a few IRS agents (who, by the way, I have the utmost respect for).  A lawyer is probably a little bit better off professionally, spiritually, and in every other way than a congressperson, which means they have to go downhill from lawyerdom to get into Congress.  That is akin to asking for another brain operation after you just received a lobotomy.

Then there is the FDA (which apparently stands for For Drugs Always) who even Congress has been critical of lately…does it get any worse than that?  Actually, I believe the FDA is a wonderful organization is you are a major stockholder in a pharmaceutical company.

To sum it all up, I can’t say that all government employees are bad.  Every group has both good and bad, and let me be perfectly clear that in the next tax season anyone looking at my tax returns is of the highest caliber being I ever met (that worked in a government organization).