Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 23-02-2012
My e-mail account got hacked this week causing me to get many e-mails from people telling me that they were getting bogus e-mails from me. My first reaction was to draw upon all my technical knowledge and after doing so; my second reaction was to panic, because I have no technical knowledge.
After realizing I didn’t have a clue what to do about this situation, and the panic wasn’t helping, I relied on my American ingenuity and decided to ignore it, hoping it would go away. My reasoning was if these hacker people saw that they weren’t getting any reaction from me they would stop doing their hacker type activities. This was not based on common sense, but more so on the aforementioned panic and lack of technical knowledge. I was figuring the hacker was like a bully, if he’s not getting a reaction he’ll go away. But a hacker is not a bully. He is more like the sleazy slime that feeds on the scum on the bottom of the scum that is beneath the other scum at the bottom of a swimming pool that has not been cared for a few years.
The ignoring philosophy is like a fat guy covering all but the first digit on his digital scale so that when he is over 200 pounds he had to go to 300 pounds, theoretically, to have gained any weight. A nice idea, but not very workable when your pants are splitting every time you bend over.
It’s not that I wouldn’t have wanted to face the hacker head on but hackers are not accessible. They hide behind the anonymousness of the Internet. They are the type of geek that goes beyond geekiness that would put a pen protector inside a pen protector in their shirt pocket. But there is an evil side. And all the while they do their hacking business to compensate for the pencil size of their private parts. When I say pencil size I’m referring to a pencil that has been well used and sharpened many times so that only a nub is remaining and the use was all by the hacker himself because he couldn’t get anybody else to use his pencil at all and he even had to put cream on the sides of his pencil or the paint would rub off from all the self abuse of his pencil (if you get my meaning.)
Now that I’m through my bitterness, I can tell you the type of punishment that I think a hacker deserves. I thought of it when I saw a headline of a news item on AOL.com, “Crocodile Tears Man’s Testicles to Shreds.” Hmmm…now that I think of it there may still be a thread of bitterness left.
Luckily, the story had a happy ending when someone told me all you need to do is change the password on your account to end the madness. Now you know what to do if an anonymous pencil-private parted geek hacks your account. So, this web site is not only wildly (yes, I said wildly, not mildly) entertaining but it is now becoming educational as well!