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More Joe Biden Jokes from Late Night

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 18-08-2010

Tags: , , , , ,

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Here are some more Joe Biden jokes from the late night comedians since he has been the Vice President.

“Hey, I thought this was nice. To celebrate Earth Day, a group of schoolchildren in Washington each planted a hair plug in Joe Biden’s head.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama says his daughters will take care of the dog, but who picks up the dog’s poop after the kids go to sleep? Well, that duty will fall on a low-level employee with nothing else to do. Joe Biden’s going to be cleaning up.” –Craig Ferguson

The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice was a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Today was Joe Biden’s first full day as vice president. Yeah, advisors say Biden spent most of the day watering his hair.” –Conan O’Brien

“It’s Vice President-elect Joe Biden’s birthday today. And Barack Obama bought him 12 cupcakes for his birthday, which is a smart gift to give Biden because when his mouth is full of cupcakes he can’t say anything stupid.” –Craig Ferguson

“Late last night, Sen. Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of these United States. And even if you are a Republican or a member of one of the small crazy people parties, you could find something to be happy about, whether it’s that we have our first-ever African-American president or even that we have our first vice president with hair plugs.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I’m gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn’t give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“You know, an article in the Washington Post today said that some medical experts believe Joe Biden may have had Botox. In fact, you know how they could tell? His expression didn’t change when they asked him about his hair plugs.” –Jay Leno

“Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in her speech, praised Joe Biden, calling him the ‘full package,’ that’s what she called him, that’s the actual term she used, she called him the ‘full package.’ Now he’s getting phone calls from Senator Larry Craig.” –Jay Leno

“Although Joe Biden is in great physical condition, the Republicans are raising questions about his health now. I guess he had a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. Hey, you can’t expect every vice president to be the picture of health like Dick Cheney, okay?” –Jay Leno

“In a speech in Washington, D.C., Delaware Senator Joe Biden said although he wants to be president, he’d rather be at home making love to his wife. Which is ironic, because Bill Clinton said the same thing. He said he’d rather be home making love to Joe Biden’s wife too.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe’s popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At this rate, he could win the nomination by the year 2032.” –Jay Leno

darnfunnyonline.com

Some Joe Biden Jokes from Late Night

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 16-08-2010

Tags: , , , , , ,

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Joe Biden has set himself up to be the best source of Vice-Presidential comedy writing material since Dan Quayle so here are some Biden jokes from late night since he’s been in office:

“Sir Paul McCartney played at the White House last night. He dedicated the Beatles song ‘Michelle’ to the First Lady. Isn’t that lovely? And then for Joe Biden, he played ‘Fool on the Hill.’” –Craig Ferguson

“Joe Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President’s top secret bunker. The guy can’t help it. But he did apologize. He said, ‘I am so sorry for the mistake. The launch code is 85334. It will never happen again. It will never happen again. My Gmail password is robot23. What am I doing? The house key is under the plant near the doorstep.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Vice President Joe Biden is on a trip to Bosnia, Serbia, and Kosovo. The White House is calling it ‘Operation Keep Biden Away From the Microphones.’” –Jay Leno

“Here’s something that I am very excited about. Joe Biden, the current vice president, was yakking away over the weekend. And he — remember when Dick Cheney was in an undisclosed location and everybody thought: Where? So supposedly top secret information, classified information. And Joe Biden just says, ‘No, I know where he was. He was hiding under his house. Joe Biden is living proof that people can give up sensitive information without being tortured.’” –David Letterman

“At the Gridiron Dinner, Joe Biden started talking and accidentally revealed Dick Cheney’s secret hiding place. See, there’s more proof you don’t need waterboarding to get secret information. Just give Joe Biden a couple of drinks….This is part of our new plan. It’s called ‘Don’t Ask, We’ll Tell.’” –Jay Leno

“There was a private screening of ‘Star Trek’ at the White House over the weekend. And President Obama said he really liked the film. The best thing about private screenings, because we get to do them – it’s not like seeing it with the public, you know, where there might be some moron talking through the whole movie. In fact, that’s why they didn’t tell Joe Biden.” –Jay Leno

“Oh, man, Biden did it again. God may have taken away Bush, but by golly, he gave us Joe Biden. You see this today? Joe Biden was on the ‘Today’ show, and he said he would tell his family members not to take any commercial flights and don’t ride in any subway cars because of this swine flu. You know, I don’t think Joe Biden’s going to catch swine flu, but it’s pretty obvious he has a case of foot-in-mouth disease.” –Jay Leno

“Vice President Joe Biden said on the ‘Today’ show that the subways in New York City are not safe because of swine flu. Hey Joe, listen to this – the subways weren’t safe before swine flu.” –David Letterman

“Oh, on Friday, President Obama was taken to a secure location in the White House after a single engine plane strayed over White House air space. As a precaution, they took the President to a place in the White House nobody even knew existed — Joe Biden’s office.” –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden is Barack Obama’s running mate. Yeah, nothing says change like a guy who’s been in the Senate for 35 years.” –David Letterman

darnfunnyonline.com