Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 30-08-2012
I am getting back into stock trading after a three and a half year hiatus for various reasons. In studying the terminology I have to admit I am getting very excited. Oh yeah, for the excitement of trading, too, but I was talking about the terms making me horny.
Let me give you an example. The wider the spread the deeper the penetration you are likely to get with the movement going up and down…What?? Okay, confession time, while those are all legitimate words and phrases used in trading, the way I worded them really doesn’t make much sense as far as trading goes, (maybe a little if you use your imagination, and I did!) but they sure do make sense in sex!…Hey, don’t judge me! I don’t have a girlfriend and talking about sex is as close I can get to getting it.
I have previously written an article about the “Similarities Between Basketball and Sex” and another entitled “Baseball and Sex are Very Similar.” Now I’m writing this one and since football season is almost here I was planning on showing how football and sex are intertwined…Really, I’m not obsessed. (But, man, I gotta get a girlfriend!)
Seriously, though, here are some more examples that show the relationship between stock trading and sex or relationships, men and women, etc. :
Going short or long in trading has its own meaning. In sex it has a meaning too, for the man and with obvious ramifications for the woman as well. When you are short a stock you get out whenever it best suits your purposes. When you are short in sex sometimes it would be hard to tell if you even got in.
In trading, a day order is an order that is good to be filled anytime within that day. A day order in a relationship is whatever the wife tells the husband to do whenever she sees him relaxing and enjoying himself.
In reading a stock graph a strong indicator that a move is about to occur is a double bottom. In sex, think of a big butt or as it was referred to in the rap song, Baby got Back, a “juicy double.”
A double top is also an indicator of a strong move about to take place. In sex, think of someone like Dolly Parton.
Another stock term is filling the gap. In sex, that is not always possible if you are dealing with someone who is short. (Refer to previous paragraph on long and short.)
Getting filled….Ditto on the above paragraph.
Market depth…Again, it has to do with if you are short or long.
Another stock term, overbought…In sex, it means he paid more than he had to for the jewelry he bought to get her in the mood.
And finally, in stocks, a shallow market…In sex, it would refer to me being shallow for writing this article.
Whew! I don’t know about you, I’m not even a smoker, but after writing this I feel like a need a cigarette.