Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 12-07-2012
(This is an article I wrote about 2 1/2 years ago for the web site and I’m re-posting it today.)
What man, when he hears his spouse say, “We need to talk,” hasn’t occasionally wished that he had become a monk? The sex life would not be so good but that vow of silence thing would really come in handy at a time like that.
Let’s face it, men and women are actually very different! I have to admit (begrudgingly) that men may have a few quirks of their own. Some people (if that person is a woman) might assume that women are actually superior. (Note to all men: that’s not what I believe. I was forced at gunpoint to say this by a group of crazed women who have read some of my previous writings.)
Men can sometimes get so consumed in their work that when they are not working they have trouble differentiating the rest of life from work. For example, Tiger Woods spends his work day trying to get it into the hole, and apparently, when he gets off work he’s still trying to do the same thing.
Yes, men are an anomaly. Through the ages they have willingly gone to war but if you ask them to go shopping they’ll get a look of horror similar to the look you’d get from Bill Clinton if you told him he could only have sex with Hillary for the rest of his life.
In men’s defense though, the shopping thing is genetic. That’s why at conception female chromosomes are designated as “X” and men as “Y”. It’s a logical thing (obviously developed by a man) because when females are old enough to open a map they are Xing off the locations of all the malls and the males get the “Y” because when they see them doing that they ask, “why are they doing that?”
Men do seem to be much simpler than women. When a woman has to make an important decision about something she will often agonize over it for days, weighing all the pros and cons until she finally comes to a conclusion which she will immediately doubt and then have to go out to lunch to discuss it with her girlfriends. A man, on the other hand, faced with a life changing decision will go to a bar and make the decision with his best friend by playing paper, rock, scissors.
Woman will usually blame themselves for things to the point of introversion, whereas men like to find an external cause. If a woman tries on jeans she hasn’t worn for a while and they seem tight it is because she’s getting fat. If the same happens to a man he will come up with many more creative reasons for the tight jeans like they must have shrunk in the wash, or there is a lot of humidity lately that shrank them, or my wife is mad at me so she wants me to think I’m getting fat by having my clothes taken in.
Men are way more competitive than women, which is why most women aren’t big sports fans. Men are sure they can influence the outcome of a game on TV by “intending “their team to win, or by yelling at the players (again on TV). This can even get to the point of insisting the phone lines stay open in case one of the players calls for advice.
Okay, upon further inspection, it looks like both of the sexes have their own issues. It’s hard to say which one is more screwed up. But, being a man I am, of course, competitive and want to win so I’ll make it into a game….Here we go…paper, rock scissors….YES, THE MEN WIN!!!