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(This is actually the first chapter of my award winning book…no need to ask what award… that I sell on my web site.   If you like this then buy the entire book.  If, on the other hand you think this sucks, then still go ahead and purchase the book anyway, because I was just kidding when I said this is the first chapter.  The book is actually totally different than this…[wink, wink])

One of the top priorities in trying to romance a woman is to make her think that you are actually listening to her.  Even more important than that is to make her think you actually care what she is saying.  If a man is able to master these skills he is well on the way to having a romantic relationship.

Make no mistake this is quite a talent.  And you have to understand she will not be talking about anything that interests you, such as sports, or your work, or the big fart that some guy left in the middle of a meeting today that just cracked up all the men.  Amazingly, the woman at the meeting were not nearly as amused, go figure.  It won’t be interesting stuff like that at all.

She’ll want to talk about stuff like how her feelings got hurt when her girlfriend made a comment about her dress.  Or she’ll want to discuss how the bills are going to get paid this month or about a bill collector who keeps calling and she can’t take it anymore.  You know, all the meaningless crap that women get worked up over.

One of the first abilities you will have to hone is to not let your eyes go glassy when she is talking to you about something like how her best friend seemed really cranky today. (Special note:  When a comment like that comes up it is best to not mention that you think the friend was PMSing.  You can say that about her enemies but not her friends.  And PLEASE, never, ever say it about her.  At least not if you ever hope to have sex again, which is really why a man wants to be romantic in the first place.)

To practice that skill it’s a good idea to drill looking at a still object and smile while thinking of something interesting like how much fun it would be to get really good seats for the Super Bowl, especially if someone gave them to you for free.  After you’ve mastered that try it with a dog or cat.  Dog’s are good, especially for this drill, because if you are just looking at them and smiling they’ll tilt their head and wonder what the hell you are doing, very much like a spouse will do with you if you screw up on this ability. It teaches you to persist.  Cats, on the other hand, will probably walk away when you look at them and smile if they feel there is nothing in it for them.  Not unlike you would like to do when your spouse is talking to you.  So, on second thought, don’t do that drill with a cat.

Now that we’ve briefly covered the fake listening part (don’t worry, there’s more, we’ll be going over that theme throughout this informative and educational book) we need to address how to genuinely do the fake caring part.  This can be more complex.

One simple technique to apply here is the periodic nodding of your head.  While it can be effective, because it allows you to drift off into anything you want, it has the disadvantage of making them think you want to hear more.  I can hear the groans.  Sorry guys.

Another method you can use is to daydream about having sex.  I’m not even going to get into if it is with her or not, too dangerous of territory there.  In this way you will look really interested in whatever she has to say.  One thing you have to remember is you do need to occasionally hear something she says, otherwise you could be screwed.  No, not in a good way you morons.  You’re not even listening to what I’m saying now!  How can I teach you how to ignore the woman you love and still score sex (i.e. romancing her) if you don’t listen to me?

Okay, sorry I lost my cool there for a minute.  What I was saying there about hearing something she says just involve tidbits, so that you can occasionally repeat them back to her.  Here is an example of the correct way:

Her: She wore the exact same outfit I wore to work today.  Except I’m sure hers was just a cheap knock-off.

You:  Wow, exact same out-fit.  (Then continue daydreaming.)

Wrong example:

Her: She wore the exact same outfit I wore to work today.  Except I’m sure hers was just a cheap knock-off.

You: Right, You’re a cheap knock-off.

Then when you wake up a few minutes later you pick yourself up off the floor and gently rub the lump on your head.

So, you definitely need to pay attention to these valuable lessons.

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