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Jokes from the News – 03/23/10

Here are some jokes based on this last week’s news: There was a lady who weighs 600lbs. and she wants to gain another 400 lbs so that she can be the fattest woman ever.  In related news, Congress wants to pass one more stupid bill so they can be called the most stupid Congress ever. Joe Biden...

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Some Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 12-10-2009

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I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint…a Saint Bernard!

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
(Back to School, 1986)

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Yeah, I know I’m ugly…I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’

My wife was afraid of the dark…then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

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