Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 22-05-2013
Here are some more Jay Leno jokes about Barack Obama:
And at a rally in Florida today, Barack Obama was interrupted by protesters called Blacks Against Obama. They all drove there together in the same car, a Mini Cooper, if I’m not mistaken.
Barack Obama continues to criticize John McCain’s economic plan. McCain would like to criticize Obama’s plan, but nobody knows what it is yet. So we’re still waiting.
Barack Obama said today, again, he wants to raise taxes on the rich. That’s provided if, by November, anyone is still rich.
I had a great dinner last night. Put on a Barbra Streisand CD, ordered Domino’s, saved $28,488. Last night, Barack Obama hosted a dinner with Barbra Streisand singing. It was $28,500 a plate. $28,500 a plate! But, to be fair, that did include an all-you-can-eat salad buffet. That was included. I guess the food was pretty exotic. The main course was roasted pig in a lipstick glaze.
And another day, another federal bailout. This is unbelievable to me. The Federal Reserve has just loaned the AIG Insurance Company $85 billion to keep it afloat. $85 billion. That is almost as much money as Barack Obama raised last night in Beverly Hills.
Earlier this evening, Barack Obama was in Hollywood at a big fundraiser, a sold-out fundraiser featuring Barbra Streisand singing. $28,500 a ticket. Barbra Streisand was singing. All the big Hollywood stars were there. It featured dinner prepared by the finest Hollywood chefs serving an array of gourmet food. I believe the topic tonight was how John McCain is out of touch with the common people.
Well, I guess it’s getting serious, because Barack Obama’s going to have lunch with Bill Clinton this week to discuss Democratic strategy. They’re going to get together and talk. You know, they haven’t been that friendly up to this point. Of course, it’s tough agreeing on a restaurant, because the two men are both so different. Finally, they settled on a ‘Hooters’ that serves arugula.
According to the New York Times, Barack Obama’s campaign is having a hard time meeting their fundraising goals. And they’re pressing their donors for more money. They want more money. In fact, Obama said today, he’s willing to take change. He will now accept change.
Boy George has released a new song that is inspired by Barack Obama. It’s called ‘Yes We Can,’ by Boy George. If that doesn’t put Obama over the top with the Joe Six-pack crowd, nothing will, huh?”
What a week this has been. If you watched last night, I guess you know, Barack Obama got beat up by a girl.
Did you see that Mount Olympus-style backdrop they had for Barack’s speech, with the big columns on it? Little over the top, do you think, huh? Like, when they introduced him as ‘Barack, son of Zeus,’ that seemed over the top.
And Barack Obama will give his big speech tomorrow night at Invesco Field, a football stadium, which is appropriate, considering how many times Democrats have fumbled in the past few years.
In fact, while Michelle Obama gave her historic speech, Barack Obama watched the whole thing from a family’s living room in Missouri. He was in Missouri. I mean, I know it’s tough getting a hotel room in Denver right now, but come on.
You know, you could see Obama was trying a little too hard to connect with young voters with the text message. I still have it on my phone. [on-screen: cell phone face and text: OMG! Me and Biden are BFFs TTFN ;^)].
You know, they said on the news earlier tonight that this political campaign has only 100 days left. Only! Anybody complaining that this thing was dragging out? Oh, not quick enough?Only 100 days left. Oh, God! 100 Days. I don’t know what’s less likely, Barack Obama getting enough experience in 100 days, or John McCain living another 100 days.
Today in Berlin, Barack Obama spoke to a crowd of over 200,000 people. In fact, he was so eager to please the Germans, he promised he’d name David Hasselhoff as vice president.
Barack Obama’s two daughters are very excited, because I guess Barack Obama promised the kids that after the election he’s going to get them a dog. That’s the thing, they’re all excited, he’s going to get them a dog after the election. And the good news: Jesse Jackson has offered to neuter it, so I think that’s terrific.
The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off.
Barack Obama is back from his big European tour. Did you see him in Europe? People were cheering him, holding up signs, blowing him kisses. And that was just the American media covering the story.
I’m sure you know by now, Jesse Jackson was overheard saying, and I’ll put this more delicately, that he wanted to cut Barack Obama’s testicles off. And Jesse has been on several news programs the last couple of days, explaining what he meant by those comments. Do you need to explain that?
Insiders claim that even though Jesse Jackson supports Barack Obama publicly for president, privately he doesn’t like him. You know, it’s kind of like Bill with Hillary.