God don’t make no mistakes. That’s how He got to be God.  

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A four-letter Italian word for good-bye…BANG  
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Certainly I’m innocent, Edith. But of what?

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Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we’ve got television.
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I got a lotta best friends. Some o’ them I don’t even hardly know!

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I got nothin’ against mankind. It’s people I can’t stand.

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If society is at fault that we got killers running around murdering innocent people, then it’s simple. We turn the killer loose, give him a pension for life and shoot the rest of the city.

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If you liberals keep gettin’ your way – we’re all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A. goin’ straight down the toilet.

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I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope! He’s got more money than God!

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In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.

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It ain’t supposed to make sense; it’s faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.

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It’s a proven fact that Capital Punishment is a detergent for crime.  

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Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side.

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Listen Edith, I know you’re singing, you know you’re singing, but the neighbors may think I’m torturing you.

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The Bible’s full of wine. God ain’t got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son’s birthday with.

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There’s nothing wrong with revenge – it’s the best way to get even !

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Was Uncle Oscar’s death very untimely, you ask? Well, it was near lunch.

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