Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 19-05-2011
With summer just around the corner, people will want to start going to the beach. This was often a cause for concern for many people, mostly women, because they were worried how they were going to look in a bathing suit. It created a boom for fad diets and weight loss gimmicks. But as America’s collective asses get bigger and bigger this is becoming less of a problem.
It should be noted here before we go further that men also care about what they look like but usually when a man looks in the mirror and he sees a stud. This is because a man is able to see through his own fat and see the body beneath it. No one else can see his body like that but it looks that way to him. Strangely he can see other people’s fat, especially women’s, but his own can easily be ignored.
Women, traditionally, balance out this fat equation by seeing much more fat on their body’s when they look in the mirror. So it works out really well for the men…until reality rears its ugly head.
Men are basically shallow. To say that men generally have a lot of self awareness would be like saying Chastity is a good name for a hooker. We can clearly see outnesses in others, again, especially in women. But when we glance in a mirror and see ourselves, no matter how bad we look we respond with an excited and satisfied, “Oh Yeah!!”
Women balance this out for us again by getting overly concerned with how they look when they glance in the mirror, and by glancing I mean spending ten minutes analyzing and trying to fix things.
A man can have to purchase two seats to be able to fly on an airplane but the only concession he’ll make is that he might be slightly overweight.
Women obsess about their weight to the point that it is now a cliché that a woman will ask, “Do these jeans make my ass look fat?” I think, just for fun, and to cure her of ever asking again, men should answer that question with, “No, the jeans have nothing to do with it. It’s the fat on your ass that makes your ass look fat.” On second thought that could be the joke that sends us to our grave so let’s just leave that one alone. We can just snicker to ourselves the next time she asks and continue to abruptly answer that with, “No, those jeans look great on you.” It really doesn’t matter because she’ll change them anyway.
So, as I alluded to in the first paragraph the solution to people worrying about their weight apparently is that everyone just lets themselves get fatter. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way and 150lbs. for a woman is becoming the new 120lbs. Women are going to continue to obsess about their weight and their looks and men will continue to obsess about women’s weight and looks, but not their own.
That said, there are exceptions to these rules, like myself for example. In fact, I think I’ll give myself the once over in the mirror right now… “Oh Yeah!!” Heck, it looks like I can eat another bag of potato chips before I go to bed.