Dave Barry Quotes
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 03-11-2009
Tags: Dave Barry jokes, Dave Barry one-liners, Dave Barry quotes, funny quotes, really funny jokes
1
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Don’t you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don’t even have to be true!
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
‘Escargot’ is French for ‘fat crawling bag of phlegm’.
Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
