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Some Tim Allen Quotes

Here are some funny quotes from comedian, Tim Allen: Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have...

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Jokes from Several Dead, But Funny Comedians

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 23-06-2010

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Here are some funny jokes from some comedians who are deceased but their comedy lives on, including, Buddy Hackett, Marty Feldman and Benny Hill.

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.
Buddy Hackett

I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.
Buddy Hackett

I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.
Buddy Hackett

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.
Marty Feldman

I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.
Marty Feldman

Money can’t buy poverty.
Marty Feldman

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Marty Feldman

Do unto others, then run.
Benny Hill

Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.
Benny Hill

I thought I couldn’t afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: “Oh well,” and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
Benny Hill

I’m not against half naked girls – not as often as I’d like to be.
Benny Hill

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Benny Hill

That’s what show business is, sincere insincerity.
Benny Hill

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

Benny Hill

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