Autumn is a season for big decisions — like whether or not it’s too late to start spring cleaning.

This autumn we can look forward to falling leaves and rising gas prices. We’ll be raking it up while the oil companies are raking it in.

The autumn leaves are a lot like raising kids. First they turn on you, and then they fly away. And next thing you know, you look out the window and they’re back!

I got tired of looking at all those leaves in my yard, so I got up off the couch and went into action. I closed the curtains.

The leaves are beginning to fall, and soon only two things will be hanging from the trees: the last leaf and the first football coach.

I can hardly wait until all the leaves turn brown to match the grass.

Ah yes, summer’s out and autumn’s in. From swimming pools to football pools….

This is an exciting autumn. Our athletes are breaking the records for the most Olympic medals, and our political candidates are breaking the records for the most campaign promises.

Now, today’s lawn & garden tip. If you haven’t found the hedge trimmer yet, forget it.  It’s almost time now to loose the leaf rake.

I could tell there was a hint of autumn in the air when my son’s football smashed me in the face.

It’s fall, that time when the colors change from green to red to gold — and that’s just the gunk in your swimming pool.

Autumn is a great time of the year. Soon those ugly patches of dead grass in your lawn will be covered up — with ugly patches of dead leaves.

 (this wasn’t an autumn joke but it cracked me up.)

 Right now, I’m having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. – Steven Wright