darnfunnyonline.com

More and more Al Gore is a politician who has earned the right to be the butt of jokes.  So, here are some from the late night comedians over the last few years:

“There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.” –Craig Ferguson

“You guys heard about Al Gore and Tipper splitting up? Everybody is talking about it. Everyone’s blogging about this, and now there are reports online that his daughter and her husband are splitting up. I bet this is the one week where Al Gore wishes he didn’t invent the Internet.” –Jimmy Fallon

“After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man’s carbon footprints.” –Bill Maher

“They could tell he was lonely as of late because when he’d hug a tree, he’d linger.” –Bill Maher, on Al Gore

“Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling.” –David Letterman

“Were you sad to learn that Al Gore and his wife, Tipper are splitting up— I was. I was a little sad about that. Yeah, according to the report, the two are ’separating amicably after a long process of careful consideration.’ You know, even his divorce is boring.” –Jay Leno

“Would you have ever guessed that Bill and Hillary would turn out to be Washington’s happiest married couple?” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday Al Gore told members of Congress ‘that the planet has a fever and it needs a doctor.’ When the congressmen heard this, they asked Gore, ‘You won an Oscar for this?’” –Conan O’Brien

“Al Gore told Congress that global warming shouldn’t be a political issue, it should be a moral issue. And Congress went, ‘A moral issue? What’s that?’” –Jay Leno

“Congratulations to Al Gore. His movie won an Oscar. Today it got reversed by the Supreme Court. … Al Gore announced last night that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It’s always had a green theme — money and envy.” –Jay Leno

“The big winner of the night was global warming. Everyone jumped on the hybrid bandwagon. But if you ask me, any lowering of emissions they achieved with the limos was canceled out by the amount of smoke they blew up Al Gore’s ass.” –Stephen Colbert

“If any of you at home are wondering about the former vice president’s seeming largess, I will have you know, he has not gained weight. He is so passionate about saving this Earth, he is trying not to exhale. … Here’s an inconvenient truth: cake isn’t a food group” –Jon Stewart

“You all ready for the Oscars? … Al Gore is expected to win for his documentary on global warming. I hope he … includes President Bush in the acceptance speech. I mean, without President Bush, we probably wouldn’t have a lot of this global warming.” –Jay Leno

darnfunnyonline.com

Here are some funny observations based on recent happenings over the last week.

Apparently Al Gore had a hot sexual affair.  It’s hard for me to imagine using Al Gore and hot sex in the same sentence.  I can only imagine things like the woman saying, “No, you are NOT putting your carbon footprint in there.”

I guess for Al Gore, when the evidence started coming in against global warming he decided he was going to do whatever he could to make things hotter.

Since Al Gore tried to take credit for inventing the Internet I wonder if he is going to say that he invented cheating on a spouse.

There have been a lot of complaints about the referees at the World Cup.  In fact, some people are saying there is more cheating going on there than from past democratic presidential and vice-presidential candidates.

North Korea has been accused of hiring its fans for the World Cup which is akin to how former New York governor, Elliot Spitzer, used to hire his “dates”.

BP CEO, Tony Hayward, says he wasn’t in the loop regarding the oil spill.  I bet there are a lot of people living in the gulf coast area that would like to put him in the loop, specifically, a loop around his neck with a knot in it.

A lot of congressmen are secretly loving this oil spill.  They are saying, “Now everybody forgets how badly we suck.”

In Bali, a man was caught having sex with a cow and he was forced to marry it.  Now when he says to someone that he is married to a old cow he is not just being mean.

According to a study done by European researchers obese men have a much easier time finding a sexual partner than obese women do.  But the obese men also have a high rate of erectile dysfunction, which is probably the reason they are able to find a sexual partner since all they can do in bed is cuddle anyway.

darnfunnyonline.com