Steven Wright Quotes, Again
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 05-01-2010
Tags: hilarious jokes, jokes and stuff, really funny jokes, Steven Wright jokes, Steven Wright one-liners
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I had previously posted some jokes from Steven Wright but he has so many good, quick one-liners that I’m posting some new ones:
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it.
I installed a skylight in my apartment… the people who live above me are furious!
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m the only one moving.
I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,” but I don’t have that much time.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
