Some More Funny One-Liners from Famous Comedians II
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 19-01-2011
Tags: funny one-liners, funny quotes, hilarious jokes, jokes from famous comedians, really funny jokes
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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Dave Barry
Before I met my husband I’d never fallen in love, though I’ve stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
Why is it when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
Lily Tomlin
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
Fran Lebowitz
I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don’t eat pork. I’m sorry, what was that last one? Don’t eat pork? Is that the word of God, or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Jon Stewart
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut… I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don’t even act like I didn’t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here… It’s in my file at home. …Under D.
Mitch Hedberg
Hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody and they meet at a bar.
Drew Carey
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan
I’ve had a wonderful evening – but this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
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