Some More Chris Rock Jokes
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 09-06-2010
Tags: Chris Rock jokes, hilarious jokes, laugh out loud, really funny jokes, really funny jokes and stuff, really funny quotes
0
Here are some more jokes from Chris Rock, (I had posted some on Monday) a very funny guy:
You don’t pay taxes. They take taxes.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
A black C student can’t do shit with his life. A black C student can’t be a manager at Burger King, meanwhile a white C student just happens to be the President of the United States.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin’ the singin. Paula Abdul?! Gettin’ Paula Abdul to judge a singin’ contest is like gettin’ Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!
You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
That s**t wasn’t about race. That s**t was about fame. If O.J. wasn’t famous he’d be in jail right now. If O.J. drove a bus, he wouldn’t even be O.J. He’d be Orenthal the bus driving murderer.
If a woman tells you she’s 20 and looks 16, she’s 12. If she tells you she’s 26 and looks 26, she’s damn near 40.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don’t want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I’m talking about. Every club you go into, there’s always some old guy. He ain’t really old, just a little too old to be in the club.
Men want three things in life. Food, sex, and silence. So feed me, f**k me and shut the f**k up!
They don’t want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn’t vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.
The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, “If you’d done that in the movie, you’d have won an Oscar, girl!”
You know the worst thing about n****rs? N****rs always want credit for some s**t they supposed to do. A n****r will brag about some s**t a normal man just does. A n****r will say some s**t like, “I take care of my kids.” You’re supposed to, you dumb motherf**ker! What kind of ignorant s**t is that?! “I ain’t never been to jail!” What do you want, a cookie?! You’re not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherf**ker!
