Some Johnny Carson Jokes

Funny Observations from the News – 05/25/10

Here are some jokes based on funny observations from the news over the last week: Scientists in Germany have found the world’s oldest sex toy, 28,000 years old and made of stone. I’m not sure how they know it was a sex toy but they are consulting with Larry King to see how it was used. Last week...

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 03-05-2010

Tags: hilarious jokes, Johnny Carson, Johnny Carson humor, Johnny Carson jokes, really funny jokes

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Here are some jokes from one of my favorites, Johnny Carson:

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

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