Some Funny Ellen DeGeneres Jokes
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 21-06-2010
Tags: Ellen DeGeneres jokes, funny observations, funny quotes, jokes and stuff, really funny jokes
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Here are some funny jokes from the very popular comedian and talk show host, Ellen DeGeneres:
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let’s get our priorities straight. I think we all know what’s really important in life – winning an Oscar.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
Just go up to somebody on the street and say “You’re it!” and then run away.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
Yeah I’m thirty-six, but on the show I’m thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.
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