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Some of the Best Ever Obama Jokes from Late Night

There is a never ending supply of Obama humor because he helps the comedians make it so easy.  Here are some of the best Obama jokes from Late Night. ”President Obama gave his first State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress tonight. Obama focused on the three most critical things...

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Some Funny Quotes by Comedians

Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 16-12-2009

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Here are some funny quotes, many of them by iconic comedians:

• There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out. ~ Sam Kinison

• May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ~ George Carlin

• You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ~ Steven Wright

• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. ~ Steve Martin

• If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows. ~ Sam Kinison

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I figure that’s why my boyfriend moved. ~ Christy Murphy

• Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. ~ Cher

• I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. ~Woody Allen

• Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. ~H. L. Mencken

• If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? ~ Bette Midler

• You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman

• If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question. ~ Lily Tomlin

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

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