Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 21-12-2011
Here are some more quotes that I promised last week from the classic Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed:
Home Owner: I mean Pottersville. Don’t you think I know where I live? What’s the matter with you?
[He proceeds toward his house. George is completely bewildered]
George Bailey: Oh, I don’t know. Either I’m off my nut, or he is…
George Bailey: … or you are!
Clarence: It isn’t me!
Mrs.Hatch: Who is down there with you, Mary?
Mary: It’s George Bailey, mother.
Mrs. Hatch: George Bailey? What does he want?
Mary: I don’t know!
Mary: What do you want?
George Bailey: Me? Nothing! I just came in to get warm, is all.
Mary: [pause] He’s making violent love to me, mother!
George Bailey: I wish I had a million dollars… Hot dog!
Clarence: Clarence Oddbody, AS2.
George Bailey: Oddbody… Hey, what’s an AS2?
Clarence: Angel, Second Class.
[the bridgekeeper, overhearing it, falls backwards in his chair]
George Bailey: [gazing eyes with Mary] Well, well, well.
Freddie Othello: Now, to get back to my story, see?
[in a trance, Mary hands Othello her drink, and George and Mary start dancing]
Freddie Othello: Hey, this is MY dance!
George Bailey: Oh, why don’t you stop annoying people.
Freddie Othello: Well, I’m sorr- Hey!
Mary: You look at me as if you didn’t know me.
George Bailey: Well, I don’t.
Mary: You pass me on the street almost every day.
George Bailey: Me? Naw, that was a little girl named Mary Hatch, that wasn’t you.
Mickey: [Mickey walks up to a disheartened Freddie Othello, dumped by Mary Hatch] What’s the matter, Othello – jealous? Did you know there’s a swimming pool under this floor? And did you know that *button* behind you causes this floor to open up? And did you further know that George Bailey is dancing right over that crack?
[Othello turns to Mickey]
Mickey: I’ve got the key!
George Bailey: [the staff celebrates closing the building and loan company with only two dollars remaining, to stay in business] Get a tray for these two great big important simoleans here.
Uncle Billy: We’ll save ‘em for seed.
George Bailey: A toast! A toast! A toast to Mama Dollar and to Papa Dollar, and if you want to keep this old Building and Loan in business, you better have a family real quick.
George Bailey: [George is having his last meal at home before leaving on his cruise. His father is distraught over his leaving] Pop, I think you’re a great guy.
George Bailey: [thinking Annie is eavesdropping] Did you hear that, Annie?
Annie: I heard it… ’bout time one of you lunkheads said it!
Mary: [embracing George] Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for.
George Bailey: [softly] You’re wonderful… wonderful.
George Bailey: Dear Father in heaven, I’m not a praying man, but if you’re up there and you can hear me
George Bailey: show me the way… show me the way.
Man at Bar: Why do you drink so much? Please go home, Mr. Bailey.
Mr. Welsh: [sitting right beside George] Bailey? Which Bailey?
Giuseppe Martini: This is Mr. George Bailey.
[Mr. Welsh angrily pulls George Bailey up to his face by the lapels with one hand and hits him in the face with a right hook, sending him to the floor]
Mr. Welsh: Next time you talk to my wife like that, you’ll get worse! She cried for an hour! It’s not enough she teaches stupid children to read and write, you had to bawl her out!
George Bailey: Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!
Mr. Potter: And Happy New Year to you, in jail! Why don’t you go on home? They’re waiting for you!
Ma Bailey: [speaking of Mary Hatch] Why, she lights up like a firefly whenever you are around. Besides, Sam Wainright is off in New York, and you’re here in Bedford Falls…
George Bailey: And all’s fair in love and war, right?
Ma Bailey: [fixing his collar] Well, I don’t know about war…
George Bailey: Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me?
Mary: To keep from being an old maid!
George Bailey: You could have married Sam Wainright, or anybody else in town…
Mary: I didn’t want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you.
George Bailey: You didn’t even have a honeymoon. I promised you…
George Bailey: Your what?
Mary: My baby!
George Bailey: [stuttering] Your, your, your, ba- Mary, you on the nest?
Mary: George Baily Lassos Stork!
George Bailey: [still stuttering] Lassos a stork?
George Bailey: What’re’ya… You mean you’re… What is it, a boy or a girl?
Mary: [nods enthusiasticly] Mmmm-hmmm!
Little Mary: Is this the ear you can’t hear on?
[whispering in his bad ear]
Little Mary: George Bailey, I’ll love you ’til the day I die.
George Bailey: Rochester? Why Rochester?
Pa Baily: I know it’s soon to talk about it.
George Bailey: Oh, now Pop, I couldn’t. I couldn’t face being cooped up for the rest of my life in a shabby little office… Oh, I’m sorry Pop, I didn’t mean that, but this business of nickels and dimes and spending all your life trying to figure out how to save three cents on a length of pipe… I’d go crazy. I want to do something big and something important.
Pa Bailey: You know, George, I feel that in a small way we are doing something important. Satisfying a fundamental urge. It’s deep in the race for a man to want his own roof and walls and fireplace, and we’re helping him get those things in our shabby little office.
George Bailey: I know, Dad. I wish I felt… But I’ve been hoarding pennies like a miser in order to… Most of my friends have already finished college. I just feel like if I don’t get away, I’d bust.
Pa Bailey: Yes… yes… You’re right son.
George Bailey: You see what I mean, don’t you, Pop?
Pa Bailey: This town is no place for any man unless he’s willing to crawl to Potter. You’ve got talent, son. I’ve seen it. You get yourself an education. Then get out of here.
George Bailey: Pop, you want a shock? I think you’re a great guy.
[to Annie, listening through the door]
George Bailey: Oh, did you hear that, Annie?
Annie: I heard it. About time one of you lunkheads said it.
Mary: [trapped naked in a bush] Shame on you! I’ll tell your mother!
George Bailey: [thoughtfully] My mother’s way up on the corner there.
Mary: I’ll call the police.
George Bailey: They’re way downtown. Anyway, they’d be on my side.
Mary: Then I’ll scream!
George Bailey: [to Mary] You look older without your clothes on.
Ernie: [as George is trying to find Mary in the abandoned house] Watch this guy, Bert, he’s bats!
Violet Bick: Good afternoon, Mr. Bailey.
George Bailey: Hello, Violet. Hey, you look good, that’s some dress you got on there.
Violet Bick: This old thing? Why, I only wear it when I don’t care how I look.
Ernie: How would you like to take…
George Bailey: Yes?
Ernie: [to Bert] Want to come along, Bert? We’ll show you the town.
Bert: No, thanks… I think I’ll go home and see what the wife’s doing.
Ernie: Family man.
George Bailey: [to a derelict Mr. Gower] Mr. Gower! This is George Bailey! Don’t you know me?
Mr.Gower: No. No.
Nick: Throw ‘em out! Throw ‘em out!
George Bailey: Mr. Gower… Hey, what is… Hey, Nick, Nick… Isn’t that Mr. Gower, the druggist?
Nick: You know, that’s another reason for me not to like you. That rum head spent twenty years in jail for poisoning a kid. If you know him, you must be a jailbird yourself.
Clarence: [hearing Nick's cash register ding] Oh-oh. Somebody’s just made it.
George Bailey: Made what?
Clarence: Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel’s just got his wings.