Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 07-06-2012
I’ve decided to let our advice columnist, Dear Crabby, slither through the doors of darnfunnyonline once again to spew her venomous advice. If I don’t let her do this every once in a while she’ll just insult me, so I figure it’s best to let her spread it around. So, anyway, here’s Crabby.
(Dear Crabby) Thank you, Steve, you witless wonder. That lack of enthusiasm in your introduction reminded me how I felt the last time I read something you wrote.
Let’s get to our first question:
I’m looking to get into the business world and I think I should use the word, paradigm, because they seem to say that a lot in the business world. Can you tell me what it means?
Dear Business Guy:
I can help you out. Let’s break the word down. Para is from Greek language and it means, beside or like. Digm is from the Stupid language (which I believe you speak fluently) meaning to “dig them.” So now you’ll see that to you paradigm, if YOU used it in the business world, would mean to be like digging yourself a hole so deep you’ll never get out of it. SO JUST STICK TO YOUR JOB AT MCDONALD’S BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR CEILING IN THE BUSINESS WORLD, moron.
I hope that advice helps, it was given from the heart.
My girlfriends don’t really like my boyfriend. They complain about him constantly and it makes me have doubts. Should I be listening to them?
First of all, quit trying to live your life like you are a character in “Sex and the City.” When you think about them they are actually a bunch of neurotic, psycho sluts anyway. If you want to be like them you are already in trouble? No, you shouldn’t listen to your friends either, and to be frank, it’s best not to take advice from other people, except yours truly, of course. Actually, your boyfriend sounds like he deserves better than you. If he is good looking tell him to get in contact with me.
My husband is having trouble finding work and he is thinking of taking a job as an assassin. He has no experience except that he can be a little mean sometimes and he does like to go squirrel hunting. Do you think I should let him?
Dear Financially Strapped:
Just shoot yourself now and save the aggravation!
Okay, this is Steve, again. I need to cut off Dear Crabby now before her advice has people at our door with clubs and knives. Just remember, readers, whenever you need advice on a subject you can always think what Dear Crabby would tell you to do and then DO THE OPPOSITE.