Funny Quotes from Famous People – VII
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 06-04-2011
Tags: funny one-liners, funny quotes, funny quotes from famous people, really funny quotes
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Here are some very funny quotes from people who are mostly very famous:
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. –Mitch Hedberg
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. -Spike Milligan
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. -Jay London
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. –Ellen Degeneres
My mother was against me being an actress – until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. –Angie Dickerson
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. –Mike Meyers
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? –Margaret Smith
Never fight an inanimate object. –P.J. O’Rourke
Never floss with a stranger.-Joan Rivers
Never have more children than you have car windows. –Erma Bombeck
Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected. –Robert Orben
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. – H.L. Menchen
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. –Saint Augustine
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. –Robert Orben
One man’s folly is another man’s wife. –Helen Rowland
One picture is worth 1,000 denials. –Ronald Reagan
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. –Laurence J. Peter
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. –Lewis Mumford
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children. –Samuel Butler
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. –Chevy Chase
