David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists – 12/20/11 to 12/23/11
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 26-12-2011
Tags: David Letteman's top ten lists, David Letterman jokes, funny one-liners, hilarious jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists from last week:
Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear During The Holidays
10.”Welcome to Denny’s, table for one?”
9.”Oh, by the way, FedEx is delivering your present” (Video of FedEx guy tossing package)
8.”That’s no reindeer; it’s the deadly chupacabra!”
7.”Go easy on the cookies; you’re starting to look like Barney Frank” (Video of Barney Frank)
6.”Your bail has been set at $100,000″
5.”Hey, look, a sneezing monkey” (Video of sneezing monkey)
4.”Grandma bought everybody a round of shots”
3.”Nothing says, ‘Happy holidays’ like a monkey riding a dog” (Video of monkey riding a dog)
2.”Before we eat, let’s pray away the gay”
1.”Clear!”
Top Ten FedEx Guy Excuses
10.”Hard to strike the right balance between dropping, crushing, and losing packages”
9.”Delivery slip didn’t say not to toss it over the fence”
8.”Was yipped up on coffee, cheap speed, and donuts”
7.”Well, now I know for next time!”
6.”Was hoping Dave would do a Top Ten List about me — mission accomplished suckaz!”
5.”Oops!”
4.”Here at FedEx, that’s what we call Ambassador Service”
3.”Still disturbed by this” (Video of Barney Frank in tight shirt)
2.”Work hard, play hard”
1.”Santa drops computers down the g**damn chimney and nobody complains!”
Top Ten Items On Kim Jong Un’s To Do List
10.Hit Lenscrafters and check out the selection of giant dictator glasses
9.Fix leaky water-torture pipe in dungeon
8.Promote his new regime on “The Wendy Williams Show”
7.Light palace Menorah for the first day of Hanukkah
6.Take a vacation at his ranch in Crawford, Texas
5.Floss more (it’s on everyone’s to do list, but we never get around to it, do we folks?)
4.Do some freestyle picking
3.Watch monkies riding dogs (VT: Monkey riding dog)
2.Buy a zoo with Matt Damon
1.Obligatory meeting with Donald Trump
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