David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists – 06/18/12 to 06/21/12
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 25-06-2012
Tags: David Letterman jokes, David Letterman's top ten lists, funny one-liners, hilarious jokes, late night humor, late night jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s top ten lists from last week:
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Top Ten Summer Blockbuster Films About Presidents
10.”Jurassic Polk”
9.”Franklin Delano Robocop”
8.”Harding and Kumar Go To White Castle”
7.”The Trumanator”
6.”Prometheus S. Grant”
5.”How Bubba Got His Groove Back”
4.”Herbert Hoover: Fully Loaded”
3.”Buchanan vs. Predator”
2.”James Monroe: Male Gigolo”
1.”Dude, Where’s My Birth Certficate?”
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Top Ten Signs You’re Not Ready For Swimsuit Season
10.In addition to drawstrings, your bathing suit has support cables
9.Your body type is “Newty”
8.Whenever you take your shirt off, a rancher brands you
7.The only thing you have in common with Michael Phelps is a 12,000 calorie diet
6.Favorite swimsuit season cooling beverage: pancake batter
5.Beachgoers complain that your body mass affects the tides
4.People put tokens in your nose thinking you’re a bus
3.Your body is 45% water, 55% gristle
2.No time to get in shape while governing New Jersey (video of Chris Christie lifting his shirt)
1.You jump into a swimming pool — you break it
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Top Ten Things An Out-Of-Touch Person Would Say
10.”Can you direct me to the nearest Fotomat?”
9.”That Trump guy makes a lot of sense”
8.”Someone should invent a blanket with sleeves”
7.”Women can vote?”
6.”What do you call these pastry-wrapped cocktail wieners?”
5.”Bitchin’. dude!”
4.”When will Ellen DeGeneres meet Mr. Right?”
3.”I’m Dave, welcome to the show”
2.”Can you recommend a good dance teacher for my horse?”
1.”An iWhat?!”
Monday, June 18, 2012
Top Ten Things I Want to Achieve Now That I’ve Thrown a Perfect Game (presented by SF Giants pitcher Matt Cain)
10.”Throw a perfect game with my other arm”
9.”Convert the mound into an organic vegetable garden”
8.”Discover a cure for groin pulls”
7.”Open my dream salon”
6.”Catch a line drive with my mouth”
5.”Fix the economy — Just kidding, that’s impossible”
4.”Pitch an inning without my pants”
3.”Appear on Jay Leno’s ‘Ten at Ten’”
2.”Throw a hole-in-one”
1.”Win the contest to replace Regis Philbin’
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