David Letterman’s Top Ten lists – 06/04/12 to 06/07/12
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 11-06-2012
Tags: David Letterman jokes, David Letterman's top ten lists, funny one-liners, hilarious jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s top ten lists from last week:
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Top Ten Other Superhero Revelations
10.In his promiscuous 20s, Aquaman contracted ‘Goldfish Ick’
9.Two things turn Bruce Banner into the Hulk: anger and humidity
8.Doctor Strange lives in White Plains
7.Mr. Fantastic spends none of his salary; lives entirely off personal appearance income
6.Superman’s two weaknesses: kyrptonite and Haagen-Dazs
5.When Green Arrow gets Green Hornet’s mail, he just throws it out
4.Hellboy had to go to the prom with his Hellcousin
3.Ghost Rider once had license suspended; for six months was ‘Bus Rider’
2.The Flash struggles to slow things down in the bedroom
1.Spiderman’s alter ego’s full name: Peter Jessica Parker
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Top Ten Subject Lines of Emails Received By Mitt Romney
10.”Meet other attractive Mitts in your area”
9.”Newt here, regarding the VP job”
8.”Reminder: It’s been over a month since you’ve purchased a Cadillac”
7.”Confirming your 2:30, 5:30 and 9 o’clock haircuts”
6.”20% off at beach-house-car-elevators.com”
5.”Nice slacks, bro!”
4.”Your Marie Osmind tickets have shipped”
3.It’s Newt – are you getting my messages?”
2.”If I vote for you, can I ride your dancing horse?”
1.”Warning: your hacked password is about to expire”
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Top Ten Fun Facts About Gardening
10.”Gardening was invented in 1822 by Albert Gardener”
9.”Plant avocado, tomato, onions, and cilantro together — grow a guacamole tree”
8.”Eggplants were originally cultivated for use as doorstops”
7.”In his lifetime, the average American will eat half a radish”
6.”The largest zucchini ever grown contained a Starbucks”
5.”Later this year, the Supreme Court will finally rule on ‘tomato’ vs. ‘tomahto’”
4.”If you have an actual green thumb, it might be scurvy”
3.”Lettuce is 96% water and 4% lettuce”
2.”The White House tool shed contains shovels, trowels, and Weed Whacker One”
1.”With enough care and effort, you can grow you own Barack-oli” (Holds up head of broccoli doctored to look like bust of President Obama)
Monday, June 4, 2012
Top Ten Pitches Johan Santana Used During His No-Hitter
10.”The two-handed lob”
9.”The Lucille Ball”
8.”The pulled pork slider”
7.”The one-finger fastball”
6.”The double-k kknukleball”
5.”The sinking split-finger spit-knuckle curve change up”
4.”The same-sex screwball”
3.”The mustache tickler”
2.”Mama mia, that’s a spicy meatball”
1.”The ‘Thank God there’s no instant replay’ ball”
