David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists – 03/26/12 to 03/30/12
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 02-04-2012
Tags: David Letterman jokes, David Letterman's top ten lists, funny one-liners, hilarious jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s top ten lists from last week:
Top Ten Charities Under Investigation
10.Adopt-A-Rat
9.United Wayans
8.Doctors Without Licenses
7.Habitat for Humidity
6.The Hellman’s Mayo Clinic
5.Hearts for Cheneys
4.Monkey Scouts of America
3.Men Without Hats
2.Food Bank for New Jersey Governor Chris Christie
1.The New York Mets
Top Ten Other Things Rick Santorum Thinks Are Bull****
10.Imitation maple syrup
9.”No hirt, no shoes, no service”
8.The Internet
7.Dr. Phil’s medical degree
6.Corn-shaped corn holders
5.British Revolutionary War uniforms (That’s our mistake, that shouldn’t have been on the list — he thinks highly of those uniforms)
4.Politicians using profanity
3.”Glee”
2.Letterman repeatedly playing this “bull****” video
1.Sweaters with sleeves
Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear Your Pilot Say
10.”Hey Lindbergh, get off my lap!”
9.”We’ll be cruising at an altitute of seventy-five feet”
8.”Here’s a little something I once tried at an air show”
7.”I love this airport — The terminals are the right height”
6.”Bring Daddy a whiskey sour”
5.”Meow”
4.”We’ll be arriving in Newark shortly”
3.”Help! I’m covered in ticks”
2.”Enjoy the in-flight movie, starring myself and the co-pilot’s wife”
1.”If you turn your attention to the front of the airplane, you’ll see me being hog-tied by an air marshal”
Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Spending $50 On A Photo With Newt Gingrich
10.”How much have I paid for pictures with other guys named ‘Newt’?”
9.”Should I just photograph myself burning $50?”
8.”Do I look Newty enough?”
7.”Should I just get a free photo with some other guy who’s not going to be President?”
6.”Do I have to touch him?”
5.”Is this how Newt met his three wives?”
4.”Seriously, have I lost my mind?”
3.”Does Newt have to be in the photo?”
2.”What would Rick Santorum think of this idea?”
1.”Will Rush Limbaugh thing I’m a slut?”
Top Ten Good Things About Living In A Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland
10.You don’t waste time worrying about an impending apocalypse
9.It’s a great excuse for not dusting
8.Low mortgage rates make buying a cave easier than ever
7.No shortage of irradiated sand
6.Fewer films about post-apocalyptic wastelands
5.You can find a parking space
4.No Republican debates
3.News radio has traffic on the 1s, zombie attacks on the 8s
2.Breakdancing robots
1.Still easy to purchase Met tickets
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