David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists – 01/16/12 to 01/19/12
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 23-01-2012
Tags: David Letterman jokes, David Letterman's top ten lists, funny one-liners, hilarious jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s top ten lists from last week:
Top Ten Revelations In The Interview With Newt Gingrich’s Ex-Wife
10.He keeps getting married just for the cake
9.Their towels were monogrammed “His” and “Current Wife’s”
8.Newt has a revolving account at Dairy Queen
7.He never leaves home without a set of blank divorce papers
6.He was born in Kenya
5.In college, he broke into primate testing facility and was scratched by an infectious Rhesus Monkey
4.Like a boa constrictor, he squeezes his food to death and swallows it whole
3.Newt was once briefly married to Kris Humphries
2.His body is featured in Jenny Craig “before” photos
1.He once had sex with a vending machine
Top Ten Signs Mitt Romney Is Getting Cocky
10.Answers all questions with, “So’s your mother”
9.Offered Santorum a ten thousand vote head start in South Carolina primary
8.He’s forwarding his mail to the White House – Wow, that’s cocky
7.Skipping next three primaries to go on tour with Young Jeezy
6.Started selling his own commemorative presidential plates on QVC
5.Donated $50,000 to Rick Perry’s campaign
4.Now spelling “Mittt” with three T’s
3.Ended debate by taking out wad of bills and “making it rain”
2.Wants to rename states Mittchigan, Mittsouri, Mittsissippi, and New Mittsico
1.Offered to help Newt with his concession speech
Top Ten Things People Said When They Heard Jon Huntsman Was Dropping Out Of The Presidential Race
10.”Who’s Jon Huntsman?”
9.”Is he the rich boring white guy, or the other rich boring white guy?”
8.”Seriously, who’s Jon Huntsman?”
7.”You mean my tax attorney? Oh wait, that’s Stan Huntsman”
6.”Does this mean we can bring Herman Cain back? That guy was hilarious”
5.”So that leaves only four viable candidates, plus Rick Perry”
4.”It’s like Jon Huntsman said…Well, actually, I have no idea what he said”
3.”Hey honey, some guy I’ve never heard of is dropping out of the race”
2.”He should have Tebowed more”
1.”Now who’s gonna lose to Obama in the general election?”
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