David Letterman’s Top Ten List – 9/7/11 to 9/8/11
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 12-09-2011
Tags: David Letterman jokes, David Letterman's top ten lists, hilarious jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists for last Wednesday and Thursday:
Top Ten Reasons to Watch the New Season of “Two and a Half Men”
10 If you had a hit show, I’d watch it (Ashton)
9 Television is a great way to avoid interacting with your family (Angus)
8 I need to pay for a really big new house (Jon)
7 If you don’t, I’ll make “Dude, Where’s My Car? 2″ (Ashton)
6 The economy sucks; our show’s free — What more do you need? (Angus)
5 This season, we’ll reveal who the mother is (Jon)
4 We’re switching to metric, so it’ll be “4.023 Men” (Ashton)
3 I’m 35 years old (Angus)
2 It’s like “The Odd Couple,” but we get to use the word “wiener” (Jon)
1 Watch it, don’t watch it — I get paid either way (Ashton)
Top Ten Ways The United States Postal Service Can Turn Things Around
10 Change name to UPS
9 Invent a stamp that licks back
8 Add wacky sound effects for mailboxes
7 Alter mail trucks to look like Millennium Falcon from “Star Wars”
6 If your letter isn’t delivered in 30 minutes or less, it’s free
5 Bedazzled uniforms
4 New hit reality show: “Real Mailmen of New Jersey”
3 Customers can now pay with gas or grass
2 Take the Packers and give three and a half tomorrow night
1 Ten cent surcharge to deliver my hate mail — you’ll make millions
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